Tysm for the crit - it's so helpful to hear what you got from the story vs. how I intended to write it! 

My biggest struggle has definitely been explaining the in-world terminologies without making it confusing. Some of your questions get answered in the next couple of scenes (e.g. why Castor is docking, the relationship of the allodium and the avionte, why there are so many different vehicles, who Sona is...) but I can see why its so disorienting at the beginning. 

Happy to hear that it shows some promise! :)

**PLOT**

This is the part I am really struggling with. From a high level, Kai's motive seems to be (#1) get to Castor and (#2) save him sister.

Once we take a look step by step at what actually happened during this scene, though, I am at a loss. 

We start with Kai watching Castor approach from the East tower. The avionte inside his Novo starts acting a little haywire, but he brushes it off at first. Kai backs away from the tower railing for reasons unknown, and then the Novo really starts to act up. It seems for a moment like it is trying to kill him? Apparently it's not that much of a concern, because Kai is able to start observing Sona on the other side of the tower roof. I get lost completely at this paragraph:

>Emergency vehicles crowded the roof, poking and prodding the Unit XI rookies. Cleaning the transport had been a nightmare. He and Feng, uneasy in their Novo suits, had tripped over and over again while Sona weaved through the gaps.

Other than not knowing what Unit XI ro

Hello. I am an avid YA fantasy/sci-fi reader, so hopefully I can provide some feedback from the correct demographic!

**GENERAL REMARKS**

I'm just gonna get this out of the way first: I was hopelessly confused from the very start and even after reading several times, I'm still not sure I understood what exactly is happening in this scene. I made a list of every unfamiliar word/phrase I came across and my guesses of their meanings based on context:

* East Tower - This one seems straightforward, a tower. Not sure what it looks like or what it's really used for. A prison guard post? Or do prisoners live inside?
* Castor - Also straightforward, a floating city in the sky/space. I don't really have a good grasp of how big it might be or what it looks like. 
* Kai - our MC
* mind healers - I'm assuming this is some kind of magical healer? Do they heal with their minds or do they heal minds?
* Real healers - Not sure if you mean real healers are different from mind healers or if mind healer

[EDIT] Did a slight edit and the word count is currently **817**. Hopefully that's okay with the mods as it's lower than the piece I critiqued! :) 

\Hello, hello!

I took a reread of my first chapter and I'm hoping to get some feedback on the **first scene**. All feedback is welcome but I'd really appreciate your thoughts on:

\- overall prose (I'm a bit of a purple prose offender)

\- does it sound YA? (older YA)

\- it it way too much exposition/set-up? (The action starts from the middle of the next scene, but I'm worried that its too boring in the beginning to actually get you to the next scene lool)

Have fun destroying!

Link: [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1evmanDEA5s-dQHiO5SXauq7XXC6GmGvkC-BbVgFAyNA/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1evmanDEA5s-dQHiO5SXauq7XXC6GmGvkC-BbVgFAyNA/edit?usp=sharing)

Crit: [https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/pa8lu2/913\_bloodless/hag7rnj/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/pa8lu2/913_bloodless/hag7rnj/?context=3) (2 parts)

[686] 1st Scene, Chapter 1