[841] The Bureau of Small Town Excellence

Hi all, this is an excerpt from a magic realism story I'm writing called 'The Bureau of Small Town Excellence'. I've previously posted the first couple of pages for feedback here but, except for a character, there's no clear connection between the two pieces and you don't need to have read the other excerpt first. This is a scene between one of the main characters and his mother. I actually think there's a chance it could exist as a standalone piece, and would be interested to know whether you agree. Apart from that, any feedback is good feedback, and please be as honest as you can.

Crit: 970 Words

Story: 841 Words: The Bureau of Small Town Excellence (excerpt 2)