From what I understand, you're supposed to use telling for internal monologue and showing for everything else. I'm not sure there's a point in the story where either one becomes more or less important, but to be fair, I haven't written a story longer than twelve pages (not for lack of trying).  

But I think it's more like a spectrum than anything else. Like, what makes "they climbed steadily in the pine forest that covered the mountains" telling, and "He was sweating heavily and his thigh muscles were  
twitchy from the steepness of the climb" showing. I would consider both "showing", but probably most would disagree.

I think the real advantage of showing versus telling is that it creates the opportunity for a character's voice and traits to emerge. Once these things are established it's less important, but, especially at the start of a story, readers still need to become invested in the characters. Obviously you still don't want to overdo it with the detail lest it become excessive or florid, and it slows down the plot. But like, imagine if everyone "told" these things? Characters would all feel and sound the same.

Exactly my thoughts. I think Chuck Palahniuk, who, granted, may not always be the greatest writer where content is concerned, is very solid technically, summed this up the best (at least for me).

"Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them.  Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.Instead of saying:  “Adam knew Gwen liked him.”You’ll have to say:  “Between classes, Gwen was always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it.  She’d roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume.  The combination lock would still be warm from her ass.  And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”

I'm not a big fan of the example, but it opened my eyes to exactly what people mean when they say "show, don't tell". Thinking and Knowing and summarizing things (ex:"with whom he briefl

This is just a short critique of the opening.

>Filled with guilt plus a hope that the universe would consider his measly and momentary self-reflection more important than the activity itself, Donald texted his friend Estevan: “headed you-know-where”.

Oh man, this is a rough first line. Let me break down why it sucks.

>Filled with guilt

This is telling the reader what the character is feeling. Sometimes this is fine—but not in an opener, unless there's a very specific reason for doing so. It's better to show it, or at least hint at it.

>plus a hope that the universe would consider his measly and momentary self-reflection more important than the activity itself,

Bruh. Why is all of this included? It's more telling, with the added element of egregiousness. No reader in the world gives a shit about this information when we haven't been introduced to the character yet. It's not only completely unnecessary, but also drags out the sentence. There's nothing wrong with having a longer sen

consider using right/left align to format text messages. it's usually pretty intuitive.

**Beck’s Overall Thoughts on a Readthrough.** Hola! I like to start my critiques (although it's been a while) with a welcome and a thanks, and then an overview of what I thought before I get into details.

Overall, I liked this. I was interested in it. I liked Donald as a character. There are some word use/grammar choice issues, which I'll get into, but the characterization is great, and the dialogue is very natural. It's a well-worn story: the public servant who is depressed and can help others but not himself. It's well-done, though, and I would continue reading.

**Bits I Liked.** I mentioned this briefly in the Google doc, but the text messages are an uncertainty for me - the way they're stylized, with the "D to E" etc. I think in some ways it doesn't work, because I had to glance over a couple of times to check and make sure I had the right guy. The D and the E look sort of similar when you're just skimming your eyes across them. On the other hand, it gets around the "excessive it

u/davidk1818

Just got back to finishing the notes, but I'd much rather talk to you over...whatever platform you'd prefer. There's a lot that needs to be said about the fixes it would need, but I genuinely would love to discuss your vision and find a way to help you move forward

Leaving notes now! I'll be in and out of the doc all day between work, but it'll be done by 6.

I'm the "Alex N." dude  


**Here's a link to my edits: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v1UAo1TAFC4pgsH63WjFoKXP-9gFHJZWQ2yGXgZsaZo/edit?usp=sharing**

This will be an early chapter in a work of literary fiction about Donald Fein, a teacher in NYC's public schools trying to find his professionally, emotionally, socially, psychologically, etc. As always, thank you in advance, and, please hit me with your best shot! 

Crits are [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/r0vnt5/comment/hlz0vxa/?utm_source=reddit&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3) and [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/r1o21n/747_dead_mans_switch/hm5np3t/?utm_source=reddit&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3). 

Link to the [Google Doc](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lkeCyjStQtghFnXtsnO0aPg5XxSS0djm8X9DOnApRwk/edit?usp=sharing).

[1111] The Loneliest Place on Earth