Temporal Lobe Anomaly
Words vanish from me Immediately As I'm thrown to the floor Convulsing As I lose all light My mind swept away While my body still parades Like live fish Outside of a dish Ive seized Remove these memories I've stored them safe for decades But now I'll just forget to grab them Ways an anomaly can cause damage
Awaking with this straw they shoved in to remove the urine Uncomfortable pain In my main vein Please pull this string Aghhhhhhhhhhhh Help me remove it If any worse it'd probably make me faint Black engulfs my eyes While agony shoots through my toes I think I may pass out Sit down Down I go
Wake up, hey! you have suffered A grand Mal The most dangerous type You can have amongst the seizures Wake up, hey! You have just had a seizure Wait have I suffered amnesia They say I may never get it back
Hey what's your name Sorry I've had some damage bad short term memory Is what's left sorry I've had some damage Oh I did Must have told you again Sorry I've had some damage Bad short term memory I've had some damage
Please tell me how it's perceived this is my first attempt at a POV theme style feedback 2feedback 1
Posted Dec 17, 2021, 3:22 AM UTC
If you are going to use POV please use imagery and don’t tell us you became aphasic , say syllables extinguish on the cusp of my teeth and dust peppers my tongue. Don’t say I’m have a having a convulsion say my eyes lull to the shine of brass and my head squirms on the cool smooth tile my arm ridged flailing with my low toned grunts . Build up that rare process of the seizure for an expression of experience that the reader will not forget