To see you

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I kinda read this a bit like a freestyle rap and I'm not too sure if that's how you wanna come across.

I liked how there was a contrast between how the narrator "saw" them at first in (my interpretation) an idealistic and romanticised view of the person but quickly grew to resent the image but also still longing for it. If that was your intention, I'd say you've articulated it well enough here.

Keep writing!

Oh my… this was a poem that made me imagine so many things. The music that plays in my ears to the words I see on this post, it all comes together to form something beautiful.

I like how you are playing with the concepts of possession and obsession contrasted with temporality and effervescence of the experience. It's like you're examining the progression of your feelings with an appreciation for the moments frozen in crystal.

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You focus a lot on vision and explaining feelings as if reviewing a relationship through a viewfinder which is great if that's what you're going for, but it might also change the the reader's experience if you wanted to maybe consider interweaving language that might stimulate one or two of the other senses.

This reads to me as simultaneously beautiful yet incredibly disturbing. So, in a word, evocative. I don't know what your intention was but it was provoking in a way I thoroughly enjoyed.

Ahhhh reading this poem brought peace to my mind. I was able to find in your emotional thought pattern form of expression. I found familiarity in your creative perspective something rarely found thank you for that. But I love your writing style I can tell I would enjoy something about all of your work because of this unique way we translate feelings. If I can try to find something to critique. I'd probably remind you to make sure the further you write and deeper the work gets. Make sure you keep the emotions from the words your bringing forth, don't let them instigate your distraction they will control your thoughts and control your work by that. If you feel like your emotions are strong in a part. keep it. Read it. If its the emotion the poem needs then keep it. But if it is unnecessary or takes you a lil out of place. stop and breath then reread from the beginning and if it feels like it's flowing and you start to pick up where you left off writing. Then you're good your creative flow can freely so expression. But if it doesn't feel like it flows as perfect as you first intended delete it and start back to where it still flowed correctly. Sorry this was long. I was excited to find a similar style writer. Add me I'm here for your art anytime. I'm bout to post my first on this rn. Let me know what you think please. Go hard. I need to hear it.