[deleted by user]

Lamenting on times when you were carefree, and nothing in life had struck you down(yet). You did it well, but i feel as if you could go deeper, like adding lines to hint at what has happened or what is troubling the speaker at this point in time

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I agree with the other comment that the piece feels incomplete. It's well written - I really like the simile about "arms in a sleeve". The last two lines I think could be explored/expanded. Why did they used to have time? Can they not breathe anymore and why?

Honestly, I feel like you nailed the length. In my humble opinion, the length of this piece is such that I read it in a whisper, as if the poet was softly reminiscing, yet the words echo inside like a bellow. I think your concise approach is perfect.

As for the poem itself, wow. The way you break up your lines and the tempo dictated by your word choice is killer, felt like I was gently cascading through the void of growing older.

Thank you for sharing with us!

I really like the ideas and imagery that you've got here, but I feel like you could go deeper.

The wording is great throughout, it has a strong opening and close.

I think the middle is good, but leaves the reader wanting a lot more.

Wanting a little more is and having an air of mystery for reader interpretation is great, but this poem feels a little unsatisfying.

Really a great start, and definitely worth building on further, please keep writing and thank you for submitting,