Source
r/OCPoetry•
CYTYY

Familiar Sight

I walked the rooted path, walled by giant, bark, arrows

Some ancient divine war's product, with ruins to confetti the air with leaves

A lone person walked my opposite direction.

​

We caught each other's sight, she turned to the water

Doing what I've done so many times before

Her eyes bounced between water fowl

Her standing body froze, aside from brown hair flickering in faint breeze.

​

She too felt the path's pebbles poke her soles

She too let the lake bath her in thought, let the wind wrap her in cold calm.

​

The words "I get it" clogged my throat

To speak, would be to yank her from her arched window of twisted branches.

​

And so, I swallowed my thought, and continued into the forest

I let her colored silhouette stay static, and myself fade to a ghostly stranger in her mind

Unknowing of her face or true thoughts.

​

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/rtlidr/in_my_bed_thinking/hqtnw2i/?context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/rtjbgn/the_untouchable/

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Edit: I left out a line. This is a transcription of one of my older poems.

Posted Jan 1, 2022, 6:24 PM UTC · edited

310
ifthisdreamcametrue•

Found you again!! I love your style and it's uniqueness. It's as though it's a very linear plot, while at the same time it's somewhat sporadic. I don't really know how to explain it, just know that I enjoyed. Thank you for sharing! (:

2
CYTYYOP•

Sick! Funny enough, this is based on a real event, and the most straightforward way I'd describe how I felt is surprise empathy.

2
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1
decent-novel•

My gosh, I love this. The “I get it part” led me to put my hand over my heart and save the poem. I like the imagery the peicey and strangely group words brings. It feels like an experience to read it. It is really pretty. Did you mean to put “I walked” at the very beginning? I may be wrong. Also, formatting wise, it could be fine tuned and made neater. But I absolutely love it, good job mate.

1
CYTYYOP•

Yes, I did mean to put "I walked" lol, time for another edit. Thanks for the feedback, this is my first time posting a poem online, so I don't know how to format well. How would I format it better?

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decent-novel•

You certainly don’t have to do this if you want to keep the longer lines, but I personally lie, to take the longer lines in the stanzas (if they look out of place), and slice them after the first comma, adding another line. I see some places you could potentially do that, like after “let the lake bath her in thought,” you could hit enter and make the second half on a separate line to make the line less long.

2
CYTYYOP•

Thanks! It's funny, the edits you describe would make it look more like how it does in my steno book. The red middle line helps. The line lengths are usually 6 words at max. I'll have to keep in mind I can do that next week (I plan to post one poem every week in January). By the way, I like your music :). I look forward to running into in the future.

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decent-novel•

Thank you ! Excited to see more poetry from you :)

2
Metalgear-hero•

I really like this one. Relating or hoping that you share some experience with somebody is deep when you know them. It gives the sense of togetherness, but this line "To speak, would be to yank her from her arched window of twisted branches" is fantastic. Keep it up 💜💪🏻

1
CYTYYOP•

Thanks! I'm here to relate. Figured this would be a thematic first post.

2