Source
r/OCPoetry•
CYTYY

Vases

Inside your vase, spotlighted

by blinding exit

You mold "Hello" and prepare

for other's sight.

​

Winding a prestretched arm,

you grip it for launch

The deformed "Hello" clears the bright hole

Soon to plop to a known

destination in the pottery field.

​

Seconds pass, and a response

ricochets off the mosaic

memory walls of your home and

plops at your feet

"Hcy"

Given the context, you interpret it as

"Hey"

You correct it without confirmation

Conversation continues.

Deep Breath

I Made it

Edits: Formatting and nitpick for word choice I thought of in the shower.

Posted Jan 9, 2022, 5:00 PM UTC · edited

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AutoModeratorMOD•

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ifthisdreamcametrue•

I'll be honest, I found it a bit hard to understand the meaning of this poem, however their were some parts that I enjoyed reading. The first two lines, for example, were really fun to read, I just don't understand the whole "your vase" deal. Does everyone have a vase? What does the vase resemble? Maybe it's easier to understand then I think, but maybe not. Keep it up though and thank you for sharing!

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CYTYYOP•

Thanks for the feedback! I tried to relate how words have different meaning to everyone and how we can't check the meanings others are actually trying to relay in conversation. the 'your vase' thing is meant to symbolize being alone in your own head, but still having an avenue to communicate through the large opening. I didn't consciously write it like that (all symbolic like), it's just the first image that came to mind, so I ran with it. I also tried to make it clear how when others say things, our memories shape our interpretations, in this case literally. My goal was to make the idea of conversation seem a bit more chaotic and uncertain (how I see it) more intuitive to understand. I failed lol. Any tips on how to make it more intuitive?

btw: Yes, everyone has his or her own vase. I wanted to illustrate that with the "pottery field" line.

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ifthisdreamcametrue•

failed? I wouldn't say that at all. That explanation just killed it, wow. Now that you've cleared up a few things, and gave examples as to how I could have picked it up by reading, it made me appreciate it much more. As a moderately new poet myself, I don't agree too much on giving you tips on how to "be a better writer," as I still believe that it is a very subjective thing. Thank you so much for the explanation, genuinely just shot up the poem points a lot. Keep it up!!

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CYTYYOP•

Thanks, but you shouldn't need the explanation lol. I agree about writing being super subjective, so when ever I read a poem, I usually don't go "what does it mean?", I go "what does it make ME feel, and what does it mean to me?". With luck, it'll make the poet's intentions, but it's really about me. I'm a fairly precise/pedantic person in general, and sometimes the most precise language is poetic. That being said, you are in a position outside my mind, so you can give unique insights by answer the questions "what does this make me feel?" and "why" and being as specific as possible. Don't think you can't critique just because you're relatively new. If anything, that gives you a better ability to see things clearly than I can, being my eyes are caked in my own shit lol! I can stick my head far up my ass.

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ifthisdreamcametrue•

Ahhh you're right. So right. Don't even know how to respond honestly. What I will do now though, is follow you and hope to interact with more of your posts in the future. Don't beat yourself up over me not understanding it or giving more of MY thoughts on it at first though. Thanks for the advice! I look forward to seeing your future work (:

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