Reaper

Reaper

By: Lluna Max (Me)

Among his walls

Lay echoes of light

The patient plays

Chords of fright

A candle flickers

And we call

His fingers are numb

The A chord falls

He gives way

The bench succumbs

On the ground he lays

No one came

We approach with remedy

Outstretch our crooked hand

We always take

Unbiased among men

​

(I kind of hate rhyme schemes. It is just simply not my style. This is my attempt at trying to establish more rhythm in my poems. Let me know what you think!)

​

Feedback 1

Feedback 2

Posted Jan 23, 2022, 6:18 AM UTC

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TWB_Poetry•

I liked it! I'm mot a big fan of writting rhyme schemes either because it makes it more difficult for me to get my thoughts out and I don't need help there. I appreciated the rhyme here too, and can still see your style in it as well. The flow works for me and the imagry is great!

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[deleted]•

[deleted]

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TheMagicWheel•

Hi

I like the idea and the imagery in your piece, very spooky and gave me a little chill, especially the part of his numb fingers and A chord.

In terms of your question I think the poem starts strongly in rhythm but falls apart a little at the end, from 'approached with remedy' the structure seems to change a bit

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DCW_photography•

I liked your poem and I feel your hatred. I'm not a big fan of rhyme schemes either. It makes a poem sound 'nicer', makes the words and verses flow but it forces you into a scheme you can't easily break out while writing, unless you wanna use it as a stylistic element. BUT I think using a rhyme scheme worked out pretty well in your case! The whole poem sounds nice and smooth until the lasy few verses when the scheme breaks. And this exact moment, the moment 'we', the reaper, reach out our hand to the lonely person, was the exact right moment for you to end the 'beautiful' flow of the previous rhyme scheme. At least in my opinion, it made me, the reader, stop for a second and changed the reading-style of the voice in my head.

Funfact: 'Remedy' has always been one of my favorite powerful words so I always appreciate it if somebody uses this word in their songs/poems/texts.

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