Source
r/OCPoetry•
External-Yesterday56

Butterfly

there was a butterfly

one left wing, she couldn't fly

I was laying watching her try

watching her struggle and cry

praying, wanting to reach the sky

hey! she said when her tears went dry

looking at me with a hopeless eyes

"Why won't you help me do something!

You're an angel you're the space king"

I replied with my voice that sounded boring

" I couldn't possibly, I lost my left wing,

And fell here, lost my self. I was left with nothing,

But you knew that's not a bad thing,

cause in you I found everything."

My damn heart begun to sing

Yelling at me, telling me to do the thing

"hey! You hear something ring?"

she looked at her back

"What's that? my wings grew back!"

she flapped them, flew and never looked back

left me alone and left no other trace

heh, I laughed when my heart turned to a stone of glace

(You never had wings in the first place

but you can use mine and touch the clouds in my place)

two huge holes in my back and a miserable look in my face

.

.

.

I'm 18 years, and I'm just a beginner at writing poetry, but I hope you enjoy

1 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/sahv0q/i_only_feel_like_a_woman/htvwgsb?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

2 https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/sacssr/inaequalitas_vitalis/htvzqdk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Jan 23, 2022, 3:54 PM UTC · edited

57
drimbs•

This was sad tbh. The end really got to me. There might be a few grammatical errors you may want to check up on. But the emotions of the piece were well conveyed, so good work.

2
External-Yesterday56OP•

Thank you for your advice about grammar, but I'm really bad when it comes to it. I don't even know where I did errors, so if you can state them to me please so I can check up on them.

2
drimbs•

There you go

1
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1
_papertown_•

For a beginner, this is a great start, welcome to the community!

1
[deleted]•

I really like the concept, analogy, and execution of the poem. I think we all have wings, it’s just that some of us are scared to fly. The ground is so comfortable and familiar, the sky an unknown mystery. Perhaps one day we’ll all fly there.

1
External-Yesterday56OP•

That's so beautiful and so accurate, I could not agree more

1