[206] horror microfic #2

Bag of bones 206 word story submission number 2 of 3, submission call is for stories of exactly 206 words in the dark fiction or horror genres, max three stories, deadline feb 28th if anyone else wants to play.

Microfic is weird, so I would love to know anything at all. Somethings I worry about:

Is it horror? I worry its too light.

Is it a story? Or just like an event?

Does the voice work?

I expect to compete against 50-100 other stories. Do you think it needs to get darker and denser at the expense of voice to rise to the top? This is a very fresh first draft, so I'm open to broad or specific crits. Really whatever you want to let me know.

Mods: Look at this primo crit for only 366 words: line by line and a rewrite and a explanation of the rewrite

PPS mods I can't tell if this is too old or not, but I should have 1000 words from the last two subs, so lets just reset the clock to zero?