Great job on the edits! I really like the new second stanza. Nice to see so many people have engaged with this post too.

Hello again, everyone! I posted the original poem on this subreddit [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/sdnbip/the_rock_collector/) yesterday and I got some great feedback! I revised some of the parts that needed work and I’m looking forward to seeing what you guys think.

i love how you used line breaks, it seems to tell the story of this poem so much more effectively, its so simple yet descriptive

Hello there, HB! Thanks for contributing to the discussion of this poem. I believe having these chats helps a poet realize the fullest potential of the work at hand. Given that, I will state the reasoning behind my comment. I see this piece as an allegory in the making, not yet fully realized, and that the third person omniscient point of view in which it is presented allows the poet to see everything and know everything about the subject. The poet knows his identity or they would not know with the degree of intimacy that "he holds dear / hearth and home".

Also, the poet makes a huge leap from sifting through river stones and telling their stories to being buried in a pile of charred rubble. There needs to be some connective tissue to unite the two images. And as this poem is allegorical in nature and the speaker omniscient, there is plenty of space to hone this into one very powerful piece.

Those are my thoughts, for what it is worth. I do hope you have some countering ideas as that

I feel like the lack of stories goes well with the lines “his identity unknown, buried by the stones”. It sounds like this is coming from an outside observer who has never met this man.

You're welcome, Grapeshot. I love your username, btw, as a fan of all ships wooden. I do believe this poem can very powerful if handled carefully. As I mentioned to another commentor, I see this poem as allegorical to its core and that image of thieving our most precious memories from time in the form of riverstones to be very compelling. To be honest, I do that all the time, so the conceit holds a special place for me. I look forward to seeing where you go with it.

Boots

Thanks for your feedback! I agree with you, the poem doesn’t focus much on the rocks themselves, or the listeners. This is for three related reasons. First, I wanted to keep the focus on the rock collector, to keep the poem consistent. Second, I prefer this 4 line, 4 stanza format for my poems, and although it can be difficult to flesh out the details, it reduces the likelihood of the poem dragging on, which can be unpleasant to read. Third, the whole “time wearing things down” theme has been done a lot already, so I decided not to focus on the rocks’ stories too much.

I do think that it could improve the poem if I talked more about the people who listen to him. I’ll consider that and see if I can fit that in somewhere.

Thank you again for your feedback!

(By the way, I love reading your poems!)

Hi There. I enjoy the proposal - the guy collecting river stones as stories. And true, each has its own to tell. That is what is missing here. The central conceit is leapt over. Even briefly I want to see a tale or two in this. There is ample opportunity in this to display how time wears things down. And those who listen to his tales, do they take note? Are they awed or entertained, do they brush him off as just another whacko hauling through town? The set-up begs for these things, IMO.

Some things to consider as you seem willing to revise.

Boots


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

This poem is so cool! I love how I get to know the character just enough to understand him a little bit but also want to know so much more.

I like what you are doing. The only thing I might suggest is organizing your stressed/unstressed syllable between lines.

Reading this poem I’m afraid I come away confused. To begin with, I do enjoy a lack of punctuation when it possibly affects the meaning or intent , by either the second line twisting the apparent meaning the first line or adding to the ambiguity . Likewise the creation of scenes as they move from one to another and how they relate one to the other. That being said the poet creates a scene of a man walking through a stream picking up stones ( a rhyme scheme of abcb) . Then the scene shifts to him telling stories, old stories. The next scene shifts again, but here , where before there was the man and the stones in the first stanza and the man and the stories in the second stanza, the third stanza is about the man. “ his identity unknown, buried by stones that he holds dear” is very confusing because you have to question at this point when the poem says his “identity unknown, buried …” is it his identity buried ( or obscured y his being known for his gathering rocks) or have we moved to a

A strange man, they call him,

who treads against the flow

of the hoarding river,

thieving its worn stones

&amp;#x200B;

To those who will listen,

he tells the stories

etched and carved

by the touch of time

&amp;#x200B;

His identity unknown,

buried by the stones

that he holds dear

hearth and home

&amp;#x200B;

But rest never comes

for heretics and fools,

his charred treasures

evidence of his conviction

&amp;#x200B;

[1](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/sd3cwc/are_you_feeling_lucky_tonight/) | [2](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/se3vcf/lucky_destiny/huh91ei/)

The Rock Collector (revised)