[274] Drew Carey horror microfic #3

*sighs* Sorry, this one I don't like.

First, I think you might end up toeing the line of disparagement laws and libel laws by including a real-life person in this (celebrity or not) due to the severity of the content. Did you forget about the All persons fictitious disclaimers? Granted, I'm not a lawyer, so I can't give you any definitive answer about whether you're doing something here that could give you trouble (and I'd be cautious of trying to argue it as a parody -- that can be very difficult to do), but given that you usually submit your stuff to magazines, I have a really hard time imagining a magazine accept this. Pop culture references are one thing when the content's not specifically disparaging the people or brands in question (though it does beg the question of whether it could make the content feel dated at some point, which is a whole other discussion), but when you get into something with graphic horror and child exploitation like this, I think you might be playing with fire that can either open you up to a legal challenge (if the content were to get popular for whatever reason, or you're just unlucky) or it's going to prevent you from publishing it at all.

Aside from any potential legal issues, this really just strikes me as graphic for the sake of being graphic, and as a horror fan, I really just don't like that. It feels vapid and shallow, even more so than the gore-happy films that at least give a fleeting attempt at characterization or flounder in their attempt to express some sort of theme. I feel like I'm a member of the core audience that usually enjoys the kinds of horror stories you come up with, and the flesh disc PS5 tiptoed the line of "disturbing content" with skill, perhaps because it doesn't actually depict the graphic harm that happened to the baby in the end--it just leaves that up to the reader's imagination. This one is gratuitous and violent, and it doesn't even really strike me as horror as much as it's having a bizarre love affair with torture porn, kind of like Cannibal Holocaust (which I also didn't like). Watching (reading?) graphic violence that borders on sexualized violence happening to a six-year-old child crosses the line for me. Even if you were to remove the child from the equation, I still think this veers too close to torture porn to be enjoyable. What even is the point of it? What is it trying to comment on? I liked Wet PS5 because, despite the horror involved and the absolute shitweasel of a protagonist, you could still see a theme and commentary on the human condition: namely, how far one will go when addicted to drugs. But this one? What's the point of this? What am I supposed to learn about the human condition when I read this? I don't learn anything. I learn that the narrator is willing to sacrifice his daughter in exchange for getting his wife back, but I don't feel as if I'm enlightened about the human condition when I reach the end of the narrative, and he doesn't get her back anyway, so what does it matter?

Not to mention, the story feels a lot like a half-formed thought. You put a lot of work into PS5, and I could see a horrifying but believable world in it implied beyond the 206 words presented. This one doesn't feel a fraction as developed. We know it's the real world because Drew Carey exists in it. We know that the scene takes place during a deadly game show, and we know that there's an audience that's watching and finds this quite entertaining, actually (whether the audience and Drew Carey are actually implied to be demons instead of humans is vague to me). The form is so short that I don't have time to care about the narrator or the situation, and the absurdity and violence leaves me sitting here wondering what the point was. If you want to see another short story that employs graphic violence (including violence to children and sexual violence) without crossing major lines to the point of being sickening, I'd recommend reading Feed the Pig. Feed the Pig worked for me because there's a build-up to the point where a child is murdered and other horrific shit happens (spoilers, lol) and there's a surrounding feeling of mystery imbued in the story, and you feel connected to the protagonist and his desperation to escape. In a way, it makes me wonder if these flash fiction entries don't offer enough breathing room to approach graphic and deplorable content in a way that's even remotely enjoyable to read.

Sorry, man. I respect you enough to tell you this one's gross and unappealing, and my opinion of it is kind of a vague fart noise with a thumbs down.

Quick response not for credit. There is a theme through a lot of your stuff involving bodily harm to a father for the chance of something better for the family. I think the first I read was the sticking the arm in the god’s mouth? This one is interesting to me not as a piece so much as it changed choosing the wife-mother over the child.

As u/cy-fur stated there is the whole legal stuff. I know there is legal room if direct satire, but this doesn’t really read at satirizing the game show and nothing here really needs to be Drew Carey or the last one standing of the John Candy, Louie Andersen, Drew Carey Triumvirate.

There was a recent great cosmic horror story I read (no bias that it takes place in my Chicago neighborhood) called This Thing Between Us (Gus Moreno) where a tongue chunk bitten off is a major beat. It disturbed and creeped me out. The guy walks into a dentist gushing blood-saliva and the waiting room antics are on point. It made me uncomfortable.

Here? This doesn’t really discomfort so much as just read flat and violent. There is no room for development. The emotional punch is dad chose mom over me. But this goes at such a breakneck speed, there is no tension built up that is then released.

I don’t think cleaning up the prose will help here. I feel like it needs structural, foundation changes that address somewhat the why? “My own personal demon made my life into a rerun of ‘The Price is Right’ where every second of eternity I bargained my wife and daughter for some unattainable prize behind door number 3. It was Drew Carey and not Bob Barker, but the demon flesh suit kept talking about getting your bitches spayed and your mongrels castrated.” IDK. You can then use legit names as satire/obviously not Drew, but demon disguised as Drew.

Whatever the case, this almost feels derivative of your own material and reads lacking a certain breath? This didn’t gross me out. It just read kind of emotionless with no tension. No grimy, sludge. No build up for me to even be concerned. IDK. Make sense? Just subjective opinion.