[1199] Once-heart
- context: this short story is an attempt at being intertextual. i've only done intertextual fiction a few times and i'm still struggling with it. anyway, the source text is FFXIV and focuses specifically on the character of Elidibus (so, spoilers for Shadowbringers, especially patch 5.3). i blended his character along with my own problems of my poor memory, and then i just added stuff about the stars and outer space lol. i really don't want this to be fanfiction--not that fanfiction is bad (far from it) but because i want to tackle my memories and why the hell i can't remember my past
- feedback desired: it's a very existential piece but even after editing it, it sounds melodramatic af--any advice? i also need a second look at the tenses if they're consistent. and, above all, is the story clear? although it's vague and emotional, it shouldn't be all talk. of course, any and all comments are appreciated too
- my story: [1199] Once-heart
- my critique: 269+498+514=1281 (remainder from 1281-1199=82)
- thank you for your time!
Posted Jan 30, 2022, 10:13 AM UTC
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