A bomb solves it all –
That’s something we all know
Your worries held
In sulphur cirrus tufts
The grass brown green
From desert puffs...
The planks that creak
On bridges decayed
And rusty joints on scissor feet.
The nervous lover with scared eyes
The articles of faith from a god long dead –
So shower down on us
In gunpowder blooms
Come solve it all
And take us home
Hear it read out here
Posted Feb 3, 2022, 8:11 PM UTC
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I really love this imagery. I have to admit I don't know enough about Tim Burton to get the allusion (although I assume the scissor feet are a reference to the notorious Scissorhands), but in my view this poem stands beautifully even on its own.
To me – and, especially with the missed reference, this might be way off – this is from the perspective of someone in a war-torn country, disillusioned to the point of fatalism, feeling as if the only place the misery will ever cease is in the crater of a bomb hit.
My favourite line is "sulphur cirrus tufts"; those fields of bomb-smoke plumes, each marking a place that used to mean something to someone. I love how "tufts" mirrors the grass in the next line as well – really clever!
If I had to make one nitpick, "the nervous lover with scared eyes" is slightly redundant I think, you don't really need both "nervous" and "scared".
Other than that though, I have no complaints!
noted , great feedback - might just try to rework it without the redundancy while maintaining the rhythm.
You really took the time and effort to pore over it and relate to it - I really appreciate that. I wrote this piece some time back after I watched the film number 9 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/9\_(2009\_animated\_film)
Absolutely, the rhythm is solid.
Thanks for that reference, added to my long list of things to watch at some point.
And thanks also for the poet you linked me to in your other comment, I am flattered by that comparison; she is indeed very good!