Blossom

Really enjoyed this. There is beauty in youth and flowers, but there's more to beauty and life than that quick bloom. I enjoyed how you described the journey of life as a physical journey. Very well written. Thank you for sharing.

Title: blossom, this poem will be about something blossoming most likely, producing something, growing, either in real terms or figuratively

There are no stanzas but potentially each 4 lines of the 16 is supposed be read like one because of rhymes and assonance that can be seen at first glance

Lines 1-4: the narrator and someone else (we) possibly in audience are getting older, slowly bit by bit with every rising / eastern moon (this is redundant, I would get rid of either rising or eastern), and the light of moon is beaming on a hill with lilies in bloom (so it’s spring time), this brings in the Title of the poem. there is good assonance in the ending of lines 2 and 4. there is a rhythm. i expect the next lines to talk about these lilies.

Lines 5-8 - these lilies like the narrator and their companion forming ‘we’ can not resist time (I think it should be ‘and’ not ‘but’), the lilies are going to get older too, ‘bend’ and ‘wither’ as they pass their prime / youth (I prefer ‘wilt then wither’, which will give you more alliteration along with ‘withstand). Lines 6 and 8 end in a strong masculine rhyme.

Lines 9–12 - the narrator is suggesting to his counterpart in ‘we’ that they should go explore in a valley, all of it, hills creeks and pond because they are getting old and there’s so much to see ‘beyond’ perhaps beyond their immediate lives, or beyond this valley. (I think this should be ‘and’ and not ‘but’ as well). Another masculine rhyme in lines 10 and 12.

Lines 13-16 - ‘time is passing quickly’ (this kind of contradicts the previous notions of ‘growing a little older’ and ‘slowly passing prime’, so idk) as present turns to past, the narrator suggest making these moments last and not fade away by being together with their counterpart in ‘we’ which sounds more singular now instead of the whole audience but could be the audience still. Another masculine rhyme 14 and 16.

Overall this poem is about the narrator and most likely a loved one making the most of the time they have by being together and exploring what’s out there, everything will ultimately end / wilt including these lily blossoms, so why let that affect them. A love poem. There are good spots of rhyme, assonance, and alliteration and a rhythm when reading aloud. It has attempted a structure and aimed at it the whole way through. It makes he want the narrator and ‘we’ to be happy and get out there and live and make memories. I’m not sure if blossom is best title, maybe their relationship is blossoming.

Overall enjoyed it, good poem. Thanks for the read. Take everything with grain of salt, me amateur.

Poetry that actually rhymes. You love to see it. Big ups OP

This is absolutely beautiful. What a clever way to depict that everything, even the most precious of things, comes to an end. Thank you so much for sharing?

You were able to express great beauty and tenderness with this poem, and your adherence to a strict meter and rhyme scheme is also very impressive! The poem's portrayal of the passage of time is bittersweet, but the reminder that "there's much to see beyond" is very hopeful.

I like the comparison of people to flowers—“shall bend and wither as they slowly pass their prime.” Nicely done!

This is so delicately beautiful. I have massive respect for anyone who can rhyme a poem and not make it feel unnatural. The imagery flows so nicely. It's like a close-up of flowers, but then it zooms out, and you're in the flowers. This reminds me of classic poems too. It has that same elegant, simple feel to it. Thank you for sharing this.

I enjoyed this poem. The pacing, rhyme scheme, and length were wonderful. I like the theme and message you bring out in the poem. The timely demise of beauty and age but making each moment count regardless.

I really enjoyed this poem, it evoked emotions, first about time slipping away from me, and then you hit me at the end with being in eachother's arms and it made me feel so lonely. I enjoyed the form of the poem, and the way that you crafted the rhymes. With each part bringing an image to mind. Great job!

Very lovely, and the gentle and simple form and word choice perfectly fit the earnest sensibility of the poem.

I love this, really shows how little things can be so beautiful

I love this, very beautiful poem. When I try to create somber beauty I usually fall into more somber than beauty, but you hit the nail on the head. Great balance!

I like that you rhymed that poem. It's easier for noobs like me to enjoy them that way.

The comparison of the blooming of flowers with youth seems interesting and also quite sad. I'm sorry I can't give a more detailed feedback.

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