From beta to PUA, couple of pieces of advice seddit doesn't want to hear.
By any stretch of the definition I am a PUA these days. I rarely go out because I'm busy but have a stable harem and sleep with 1-2 new girls a month. Turn down twice that.
I'm probably pretty terrible compared to some of the guru's but my sexual destiny is under my control now.
Seddit got me from zero to some skill however my true successes started happening when I unlearned some of the narrow advice and material floating around this subreddit.
I'm not here to break balls or cause trouble, just want to add what helped me the most.
1. Your looks matter... You don't have to be a hansom and good looking guy. I'm about average in the looks department but I take care of myself. I groom, wear fitting clothing, work out, use face cleansers and moisturize and all of that jazz.
The difference in terms of game is that you'll start getting smiles, you'll get approached and you'll get invitations to talk. Girls approach me and what I learned on seddit takes over.
2. Buy girls drinks sometimes. Loads of advice on things like shit tests and not buying girls drinks and whatever in the name of keeping your value high and not putting pussy on a pedestal, blah blah.
This is all very relevant advice for the newbie who squirms at every eyelash fluttering. For the most part though each interaction needs more subtle handling than these hard and fast rules.
I'll hold a purse or buy a girl a drink. Whatever.
Women and people in general sniff your value from WAY more things like tonality, lifestyle and body language than whether you held their purse like a bitch. James Bond could hold a purse and it wouldn't make him any less attractive.
Buying a drink is a very important ritual in American courtship rituals. I've almost had more problems NOT buying a girl a drink than buying them one.
3. Some girls don't like cocky/funny/alpha vibes A whole sea of women open up if you turn off that cocky/funny/alpha player crap this seddit preaches. Some girls don't like that vibe.
Seddit is full of tons of narrow advice on shit test replies and texting game or whatever.
My opinion is the cocky funny vibe stuff gets you girls who like that cocky/funny/alpha thing. Loads of cool and beautiful women find that a turn off.
Don't treat seduction as the transformation of you into this player character.
Shit, I swore the downvote brigade would be all over this. Seems like seddit has changed for the better since I was last hanging around here. :D
Posted May 1, 2012, 9:00 PM UTC · edited
Let me start by saying I agree with most of your points here. Once you reach a certain level of success, you realize there are plenty of nuances and exceptions to every "rule" and dogma you read here. Sometimes buying a girl a drink is a gentlemanly thing to do and girls find it super sexy, especially when you do it unprompted and with an air of because it's what you want to do, not because you expect anything back.
However, in seddit's defense, I would say you are broadly overgeneralizing some things. Yes, people say looks don't matter, but there are tons and tons of posts every week about making sure you take care of yourself and groom yourself properly, which is what you're suggesting.
As for number 2, I think the advice of not buying girls drinks is generally to defend a newbie from going broke with nothing to show because he thinks buying girls drinks will always make them more into him.
And finally for number 3, the cocky funny thing is generally to help build confidence I believe, and a lot of people are attracted to it. However, TofuTofu has a fantastic post on [calibration] (http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/h62fu/calibration_101/) that explains that not every girl goes for cocky funny. While I've never been a fan of definitive personality profiles, it does do a fair job of explaining the fact that people ARE different and some people ARE attracted to different personality traits.
Edit: To summarize, a lot (I would say probably 95% or so) of the advice here is aimed at the earliest of beginners. It is helpful to have easy, simple, and generally effective rules for them to remember. As you get them down and get better, you tend to figure out the nuances on your own, but trying to explain these to a guy who has never introduced himself to a random girl is like trying to explain quantum mechanics to a 6th grader who just learned about the atom.
When you're learning anything new it's important to treat the "rules" as if they are fact and unbreakable. As you get better, you realize the rules are just training wheels. You will be better at knowing when to bend the rules and set your own standards.
It's the same with anything. When I was studying music theory in college, we had very strict rules we were to use when working with the subject matter so that we could understand the basics. Each semester, as we moved into a more complex realm of music, the rules became more relaxed and we got to branch out further, until finally we reached modern music of the 20th century and realized that there were no rules left.
Part of being an expert in something is knowing which rules you can bend or break, and when it's appropriate to do so.
I'm against buying a girl a drink as an opening move or as a way to get her to like you. I don't buy those dumb girls drinks who blatantly ask for one. The last time I bought a girl a drink was on New Years. We had been dancing and kissing and the bar area was really crowded, so I bought her one.
The looks thing isn't really relevant because I want to look good for my own sake. I like looking good (in shape, neat clothing, good skin).
You sir, have nailed it in the head.