Breaking up because of db

Tell her that you're just not compatible, because you're not. You're not married, and it's only 9 months, so you don't really have to feel like you need to spend a lot of time trying to fix this. Things like birth control antidepressants and stress can kill libidos, but is that the problem, or are you just incompatible?

Yea if she isn’t having sex with you now this early in the relationship it will only get worse. You’re way too young to be having these issues in the bedroom. There’s too many girls out here to be dealing with this nonsense

You say, "Sorry, but I don't think we're compatible. We need to break up and go our separate ways." And then you go your separate ways.

Right now, it's really that easy. But if you keep on dating her, eventually, it's not gonna be that easy anymore.

You're smarter than most people here. 9 months is nothing by comparison.

Nine months. You won't get it back that significant portion of time, but you don't owe her anything. See dating as whatever you like, dating surely isn't a preparation for marriage.

I view dating vs marriage like fun vs responsibility.

One circumstance, you get to live and focus on things that you enjoy; the other is where when you cut your hand to exsanguinate blood into a pail it and isn't enough, and you forget what having likes was like because every fabric of your being is torn between finding peace and keeping the peace.

Suppressing your needs for all that time must have been unimaginably tough. I would not recommend you propose to this young lady if you have doubts about your constitution.

Don't expect she will change for you, she needs to change what she decides for her; don't be surprised or distressed when she does that the change doesn't favor you or your relationship.

Unless you intend to spend every moment of the rest of your life waiting for either death or for her to cheat, be merciful on yourself.

I live with a group of people who I don't count on to wake me if there's a fire. I would be satisfied if it was just me and looked like an accident.

Go find someone who makes you happy to wake up, and not resentful for good health and longevity.

You dated and weren't compatible. All just experiences that help you grow and find your way

How to breakup:

"I think you're a wonderful woman and I love x,y,z about you, but I've realized that we're just not sexually compatible and it wouldn't be healthy for either of us to continue in a relationship where one or both of us feels undesired or misunderstood. I'm choosing to end this before resentment builds between us and I feel confident that we'll both find someone we're more compatible with in all areas."

At 23, this is probably the best decision you've ever made in your life so far. Never accept a relationship that doesn't meet your needs, ever.

I'm always a little surprised when I see posts from people whose relationships with their DB partner are younger than my own dry spell. If I had known in the first six to nine months of my relationship that it would be a dead bedroom, I definitely would have stepped away.

You have tools and knowledge that wasn’t available to me when I was your age. As you can see on this sub, sexual compatibility is vital for many people in a romantic relationship AND it is possible to find a woman with whom you are sexually compatible.

It may be time to end the relationship, I’m just not sure how

Read her everything you wrote above this sentence, word for word.

It was clear, concise, complimentary of her good qualities, and protective of your needs. It's completely fair.

If the sole purpose is because she naturally had a much lower libido than you, then this is the best choice, as much as it sucks in the moment. If there is another cause, such as short term stressors, then it could be worth it to work on that if you care enough. But at the end of the day there are a lot of people out there who may be a better match for you

In 10 years when you're married to a woman with all those wonderful qualities AND who wants you as much as you want her, you'll be thanking every god! Well done for making the hard choice, and I really admire how respectfully you still speak of your ex ❤️

Good job. I know it’s so painful but it just gets more painful if you wait. It’s just an incompatibility and the sooner you find out the better. I’m sorry. You did the right thing, I think.

For the best. You're fortunate not to have been "bait and switched" (not exactly the situation, but close enough) with a few years of great sex and then ....nothing. best to see it for what it was - incompatibility - and move on. I hope your heart heals well and quickly and that you find some very HL hottie to be with.

I’m just not sure how

The usual way. You are incompatible in a pretty fundamental way. And, if it helps, this frees her to find someone more compatible as well. So you'll both be happier in the long run.

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I’m 22 and been in a db for a year and a half. Our two year anniversary is in two weeks. It’s an awful situation. I know you care for the person deeply, but there is unfortunately no getting better no matter how much she says she’ll try. Get out while you can. It’ll only get harder the longer you wait

9 months is about when the honeymoon usually ends. If you're already not getting your needs meant, I hate to say it but it's only gonna get worse. Maybe you should try to just be friends with her, since that's essentially what a relationship without intimacy is.

it's hard to let go of someone you love, it's harder when you miss them, but you made the right descision, if this is how it was now, it woudnt get any better once the relationship got more interwined with more deeper life stuff, marriage, kids?. and it woud affect your mental health and emotions badly the longer this went. you can see it here on deadbedroom, just how bad it can get. you two were not compatible. like you said dating is seen as preparing for the rest of you lives, seeing how it could be. and sex and intimicay for you is a big part of a relationship