Final notes:

I didn’t mind the story at all, and liked the idea for sure, but I think it’s a square peg for a round hole.

I hope none of this comes up harsh, but I have faith in your ideas and your writing, so if it seems harsh it’s because the bar you have chosen is very high, and I am trying to show the differences.

Anyway, feel free to ask other questions and clarify. I’m happy to help and it’s always fun to read you writing! 
Sincerely,
- the machine that goes hhhhhhhhh

OK sound here’s what I did for pre-work.

I think slipstream is hard to define. I’m familiar with Kelly link and Jeff vandermeer but I’m not sure to what extent that helps. I went through and read a few slipstream stories on daily SF, I bed genocide, a component of this story is love, airship of hope, and Heisenberg ball.

Now, the bad news: none of those are anything like your story. I think you are off target for your stated genre.

If this was longer or more fleshed out I’d say maybe cafe irreal (irreal - a separate genre I also have trouble drawing boundaries around).

As it stands this felt like stream of consciousness without a central axis. 

The bad news part 2: I think daily sf publishes a lot of humor and a lot of stories that center around relationships (friends/parent child/lovers) and this isn’t either of those things.

Idk, I’ve probably read 40 ish daily sf stories not a huge sample size by annnny means.

Onto the text:

Cube. I blink and the cube disappears. 

-I don’t 

Thanks. Daily SF. I just discovered them three days ago, so still getting their vibe, but I saw they have a slipstream section and I just wrote this, more like a stream of consciousness than a pre-planned story.

Any tips are appreciated. If you know about other journals (publication? whatever are they called) better suited for this stuff, I'm stoked on what you have to say.

Cheers ;)

I’ll play, what journal? I think that context is helpful for sure, and if you can articulate what you think they like I’ll try to speak to that as well (or if I know they place I’ll talk fit on my own terms)

This is either brilliant or terrible. I'm not sure which one, even after reading it over several times. That's got to count for something, so here's an upvote and I'll say I liked it.

I appreciate your feedback.

I agree with you on crispiness.

Thanks.

>My body remains stationary, but my mind rotates around the disappeared cube.

This is the third sentence in a row that says "cube." The first two worked, but the third makes it feel overdone. I would switch to "object" or another word.

I feel like maybe this was intentional, but I'm not sure how I felt about the pacing of the first paragraph. The sentence structures seem to mimic the "droning of the machine" in a sense. I might consider varying the lengths of the sentences a bit more.

&#x200B;

>Someone knocks on the door?

Why is this a question? It would make more sense with a period instead.

&#x200B;

>Who's that? It must be Frankie...

"Who's that?" seems unnecessary. The ellipses should have four dots because it's a full sentence on its own.

&#x200B;

>I haven't seen him for two days, that's my two days, possibly different from your measurement of time

This is the first and only time that the narrator is talking directly to the reader. I find it confusing because it brings u

Thanks, rules are rules, I respect that.

First (That's 226 words I'll use fully):

[https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/sguzeh/226\_final\_horror\_microfic/](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/sguzeh/226_final_horror_microfic/) 

Second (That's 499 of which I've used 302 words on my last story)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/sha437/499\_the\_last\_light/](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/sha437/499_the_last_light/)

Hate to scrounge for words like this, but I can't bring myself to compose a decent review now. It should be alright by guidelines. If not, just put it out. 

Cheers.

Thank you for posting. I know this is rather silly, but your crit is 101 days old or in other words over the 90 day expiration date. I hate to mark something as leeching based on expiration, so would you be so kind as to do a new critique? Or use a different critique that has not expired? Otherwise this will be marked as leeching and removed in 12 hours?

 I'd kindly ask you for your critique. Don't hold yourself back, didn't come here for a sweet talk.  


Some context: it's my attempt for flash fiction in the slipstream genre. I aim for an eerie, weird atmosphere that would still refer to humanity issues.  


I look for comments on style, how engaged you were, and what sucks.  


Particularly, I'm not sure if to include the last two explanatory paragraphs (on what's a cube). It adds context, but by explaining, it narrows your own interpretation.   


Your comments are welcomed. This work will be submitted to a journal.   


Cheers. 

&amp;#x200B;

Story:

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/14U-JyqPdYLSX2dbCMGMUCPEVa1Ac14Xw6FsmbdubX-s/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/14U-JyqPdYLSX2dbCMGMUCPEVa1Ac14Xw6FsmbdubX-s/edit?usp=sharing)

&amp;#x200B;

For mods: [https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/pxab97/2623\_fear\_and\_loathing\_in\_north\_fitzroy\_1/hnz90pp/?utm\_source=reddit&amp;utm\_medium=web2x&amp;context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/pxab97/2623_fear_and_loathing_in_north_fitzroy_1/hnz90pp/?utm_source=reddit&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[232] To the Power of Three