Friendship is a funny game
Many stay the same
Some start to blame
Few forget your name
They say people never change
But that’s not true
Life is strange
And full of loose screws
He was my go to man
But he left the clan
I miss him some days
Now he’s far away
Relationships fluctuate
But we let it escalate
He was my go to after eight
Now he’s my lost mate
Posted Mar 24, 2022, 12:50 PM UTC
I can relate to this poem, and you convey your message very well. I feel like it would have better structure and flow better if you incorporated more words into your lines. For example:
"They say people never change
But that’s not true
Life is strange
And full of loose screws"
I would write this part like this...
They like to say that people never change
But I know that's not true
Life can be strange
And it's full of loose screws
Thank you so much for your kind words and constructive feedback!
I’ll definitely keep this mind when I try to improve the poem.
Thank you once again!
I love the rhyming and content in this poem
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words.
Fairly unobtrusive piece with an interesting rhyme/near-rhyme scheme: AAAA / ABAB / CCAA / AAAA. Makes for an interesting melodic but reserved sound, which I think matches the content of the poem as the speaker ruminates over, but also seems to have accepted, the nature of time and life; and how friendships dissolve over its course. One suggestion would be to hyphenate "go to" so it's "go-to", but that's a real personal nitpick and isn't a big deal.
Good stuff, keen to read more from you!
[deleted]
Thank you so much! And thank you for your detailed feedback.
That’s a great suggestion to make it go-to.
I’m gonna make this change for sure 😄
I like it, and I like the pace of your words, and there is certain pain of losing a good friend, I think every one can related to that. Thank you for sharing its was really good.
Thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words 😄
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This is lovely, I feel that anyone who has drifted from/lost a friend would appreciate this poem and the way it highlights the different emotions during that period. I loved the structure and rhyming scheme, excellent!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it 😄
Yes my intention was to highlight the different feelings and stages one goes through after losing a friend.
you definitely captured it! keep it up I'd love to see more