I don’t have any constructive criticism I just like to read poetry but I can say wow that really hit home, great work

Before I got to the 6th line, I could feel the guilt in your wording. Love this.

>I've opened my eyes and see that I should have stayed

Reminds of the ABBA song, One of Us. And I appreciate the poem itself as well, having been in a rocky relationship. It's good! Although, I suppose better you never had the reason to write it.

Thank you for sharing this. This made me tear up a little bit.

In the end every decision is some kind of trade, and some times there is no trade that doesn't end in pain or loss. 

&#x200B;

I especially liked this.

>Guilt casts a shadow, and I stand in the shade  
Heartbreak for heartbreak, pain for pain

&#x200B;

If you are new to poetry don't stop! Poetry can really help in moments like this where we are struggling with complex emotions.

I feel like you've captured a universal truth about love in this.  There is always blame to pass around, but in the end, you have to forgive yourself to move on.  "Guilt casts a shadow, and I stand in the shade" is one of the better lines I have seen here.  Excellent metaphor.  A follow-up poem with your recovery would be a nice addition to this piece.

"Although it is over, the memory remains  
Choked by the feeling that I am to blame"

Well metered. The sentiment is well-conveyed. Nicely done.

I can really relate to this, going through a breakup myself right now and reading this, i don't know really calmed me down, really emotional and makes you feel something

This poem will hit home for a lot of people. We all carry some guilt over relationships that didnt work out, for whatever reason.

has potential. the rhyme scheme created a lyrical, song like quality, but even so— it’s ok to not rhyme keep that in mind. keep writing

This was insanely deep I really resonated with this

Wow, very strong first line. I was hooked all the way. "Choked by the feeling that I am to blame."  I loved how visceral this line was. Made me think of choking back tears. One thought I had was to disrupt the flow of this line for impact. "I've opened my eyes and see that I should have stayed" and do something like "I've opened my eyes - I should have stayed" since that is a big turning point/realization for the poem. I think that can help draw the attention it deserves to the line. Let me know what you think! :)

When I first read the title I thought it’d be historic/existence kinda term but hey, heartbreak, fuck yea.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

Not my type of poem but I appreciate the gesture. The delivery feels a bit robotic with the metre always being close to 10, as if it's meant as a formal letter. Although I would've liked the last stanza to be "A scar was left **THAT** day I made **THE** trade". It would've garnered more emotional response I think.

Forget my name and extinguish the flame 

In enough time, our love will wither and fade 

Although it is over, the memory remains 

Choked by the feeling that I am to blame 

I've opened my eyes and see that I should have stayed 

Guilt casts a shadow, and I stand in the shade 

Heartbreak for heartbreak, pain for pain 

A scar was left the day I made that trade.


- I wrote this poem after a recent breakup. Any feedback or criticisms are more than welcome. I'm still new to poetry and would love to improve my work - 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/tkst36/uncovered/i1xc8dl?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/tm79kz/lost_mate/i1xgxaa?utm_medium=android_app&amp;utm_source=share&amp;context=3

"I Don't Deserve Remembrance"