Things to keep in mind when writing a pregnant heroine.
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Posted Mar 29, 2022, 9:36 PM UTC · edited
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Depends on how you're carrying as well, though. I carried really small with my daughter (to the point where when I went in to be induced at 41 weeks they asked me who I was there to visit). I was definitely uncomfortable, but I was still going to the gym daily and could shave my own legs. I still wouldn't have wanted to scale a cliff, but I likely could have done it better then than my friend who's currently 20 weeks and waddling from how big she's already carrying/the sciatica pain.
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Does your friend wear a maternity belt? It can reduce the lordosis (over-arching of the pregnant back) which aggravates sciatica. At least, it's what let me hit the gym for the last two months of one of my pregnancies. It's like a sports bra for the baby bump.
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Yeah, exactly. Which also plays into the whole "pregnant women have the urge to pee a lot."
No. No they don't all have that urge. At all.
And while I also didn't necessarily want to / or could have climbed a cliff when I was pregnant, I also don't want to / can't really do it now
But I went on hikes and long bike rides up until week 41.
All this to say, it's okay to have your pregnant character be a unique pregnant character.
Side note: hello, fellow redditor who also got induced at 41 weeks! lol
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I read a book series many years ago that I enjoyed, until the main female character climbed a tree while being heavily pregnant. Haven’t read anything from that author since.
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Don’t know if you’re also considering after effects as well, but a friend recently had a baby and has been going through a mix of postpartum depression coupled with severe body issues. Going from having a super hot thin bod to having post pregnancy bod has killed her self esteem to the point that she’s not longer sending photos of herself to people, she’s been self isolating, and she’s considering major life changes that would further remove her from all her social circles. The latter is also influenced by what one might call new baby obsession. It’s ALL she’s focused on.
So having a baby can completely change someone on multiple levels.
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Has your friend seen a postpartum physical therapist? This specialist is one of the most underutilized tools in women's health. She may well reduce or even cure some of your friend's severe body issues, especially childbirth injuries. There is hope.
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She's seeing a therapist. I doubt it's a physical therapist though because she's perfectly healthy and extremely hot. All the issues are in her head. She looks better and thinner than 99% of women who haven't had a baby, let alone one who has.
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Don't be so sure of that. After my first kid, I looked fantastic (skinnier body and bigger bust than ever. Thanks breastfeeding!), but I could not have sex because it was too painful.
It wasn't until a year later, when a postpartum physical therapist diagnosed the underlying pelvic muscle issues and cured them, that I was able to get back in the marital bed.
But my OB never even screened for pelvic disorders (even though he did screen for PPD), so I had no idea that my issue was treatable until Reddit pointed the way. I just thought it was something I had to live with.
So it's possible that your friend is using a psychotherapist to cope with issues that could actually be fixed by a physical therapist. I'm not saying this is definitely the case, but it's such a common error that it's at least worth troubleshooting for.
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Interesting. Thanks for the info. I'll pass it on.
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I'll add a few more things.
Pregnant women can usually continue a physical activity their body is already used to, but may strain to do new things. If she's never ice skated before, now is not the time to learn. But if she bicycles regularly, her hip strength will prevent any balance issues. Though she may have to replace bending over a road bike with sitting upright on a Dutch style because...
- Take into account the size of your heroine's belly
Pregnant women don't bend at the waist. So if she lifts something heavy, it's OSHA style (sumo squat, lower and lift with the legs, while the back stays straight). Since this requires extra effort, if something falls off a shelf, she may just leave it on the floor. Screw it, she's anemic and exhausted anyway.
Her core strength is significantly reduced by her abdominal muscles separating to make room for the baby bump (i.e., diastasis recti). This may also cause lower back pain, constipation and incontinence.
- Strange as it seems to some people, but it can be very creepy for a pregnant woman when folks are rubbing her belly like she is a dog.
Not strange at all. The baby bump is now the most vulnerable part of her body on account of what's in it. Something as simple as a door slamming on her belly can cause a stillbirth. Imagine you're carrying a heavy fragile Ming vase worth a million dollars and you'll be 10% of the way to understanding how this feels.
- Pregnant women pee a lot.
Depends on the woman, the stage of the pregnancy, and whether she's experiencing any UTI, bladder infection, or prolapse. Some pregnant women pee themselves when they sneeze, others can run for miles on end with no problem. And these issues don't always go away after childbirth.
Which brings me to something that fiction rarely touches on: RECOVERY FROM CHILDBIRTH
For up to a few days following birth: Exhaustion. The first day after birth, your character may not even be able to leave the bed. Poor circulation, fainting, just weak weak weak. If she has to flee right after giving birth, she may need assistance to walk or be carried. If she's by herself, she may clutch the newborn to her breast with one arm and use the other to steady herself while walking or crawling.
For up to a month after birth: Compromised immune system. She may be up and walking around, but an infection could knock her on her ass again. Before the advent of antibiotics, I suspect this is when a lot of maternal morality happened.
(Edited to add) For about three months after birth: Bleeding. Might be contained in a maxi pad like one long lingering period. Might overflow adult diapers. Possibly inverse to how much she bled during the birth itself.
For a month, a year, or forever: muscle issues of the abdominal core and pelvic floor. Most commonly, stress incontinence (a pelvic floor traumatized by pushing out a watermelon now leaks urine when triggered by extra pressure from a jump, run, or sneeze). Vaginismus (pelvic trauma also causes the vagina to clench upon attempted penetration, causing sex to be painful or even impossible). Diastasis recti (see above), which after the birth can settle into "mommy pooch" if the abdominal muscles don't come back together.
In real life, a postpartum physical therapist can treat and often cure these issues. Though many mothers don't know this because doctors don't screen for it and patients are embarrassed to bring it up.
Some mothers "snap back" two weeks after birth. Some take a few months to see their pre-baby waistline. And some never get there (or they don't get there without outside help).
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And don't forget the bleeding. So much bleeding.
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Edited to add it.
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it can be very creepy for a pregnant woman when folks are rubbing her belly like she is a dog.
AMEN TO THIS. It's so hard to not flinch when I see fics where random STRANGERS just walk to a pregnant woman and ask her her due date. I mean?? That just creeps me out to no end and it's horrifying to think about.
But it's surprising that this list is very short. Pregnant women also have a lot of unstable emotions, especially as they're progressing far into their pregnancy. Oh and also, pregnant women don't get periods. Sometimes, a woman might bleed but it doesn't happen for too long. Despite not having periods, pregnant women can get cramps. Her body grows (obviously) and she becomes more sensitive to touch. Cravings, changes to smell/taste, wanting to puke at some smells, acne, severe mood changes, etc. All these things do happen, so when writing a pregnant woman, don't write her as if she's only going through a belly size change. She's not.
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I "only" got a taste of pregnancy symptoms as part of the beginning of my hormone therapy and... for me the 3 or 4 weeks were more than enough. I don't even want to imagine going through this (in varying intensity, surely) for 9 months.
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It's a very terrifying experience and more than just creepy. Feels like a mini heart attack.
Don't ever touch random people's bellies, people.
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Not the face, because the heroine's focus will be downward. More likely, she'd twist the wrist of the offending hand. She won't shower afterward, but she will be extra still while trying to feel reassuring fetal kicks.
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I don't know why you got downvoted. But you seem to be fetishizing the exterior of the bump, when it's actually a small part of the pregnancy experience. You're looking at your pregnant heroine with a male gaze when you should be sitting inside her body to feel what she feels.
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Pregnancy also makes you clumsy due to a special chemical your body makes to loosen ligaments to prepare for the birth. I dropped so many things. Makes it hard to keep a secure grip too.
Also, you are very limited in movements after 8 months because your baby is running out of room and they need to be head down for a smooth birth. That means no bending over, not even at the waist to sweep up dirt. That’s how I flipped my baby 🤪 had to go get them rotated the right way.
It also weakens your bones and tamps down your immune system. because the baby is taking most of your calcium for their own bone growth. And your body doesn’t want to attack the fetus so your immune system drops off.
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Pregnant people all carry their baby bellies differently. Some carry really high, some so low that they can't put their knees together when sitting.
If you're into writing comic scenes, my last 2 babies' heads rested on a nerve, and when they would rotate, my leg would shoot out from under me, and I'd feel basically an electrical charge. Having a conversation with the boss that ends up with me laying on the floor in front of their desk is always good for a laugh.
Some people don't feel the baby move until their third trimester, depending on how long their torso is.
Pregnant people get heartburn, a LOT. Sometimes from something as simple as a glass of water. There's nowhere for the food and drink to GO when the baby is getting big.
Not just the baby belly gets big. The body stores fat in all kinds of interesting places during pregnancy. I've seen thin pregnant people with chipmunk cheeks, and many of us experience bigger bums, etc. As Rachel Green once said, "It's such a magical time!"
Very few pregnant people have that cliched "OH, NO! The BABY IS COMING!" moment. Labor usually builds over hours (even days). Unless the woman isn't paying attention, rarely does the first contraction actually hurt.
On that same note, pushing out the baby can take hours.
Pregnant people really can go from laughing happily to cut-a-bitch in 3.1 seconds. Take advantage of the rage.
First trimester means wanting to nap like you've just had a couple of benadryl. Same with the last few weeks.
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First trimester means wanting to nap like you've just had a couple of benadryl. Same with the last few weeks.
Same with the whole frikkin' pregnancy here. Just wake me when it's time to push.
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It was the weirdest, deepest tired I have ever experienced in my life.
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i misread this as "when taking pregnant heroine" and i was so confused
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could you subscribe to r/babybumps for research purposes? looots of very real testimony there to (respectfully) draw upon.
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Thank you OP, this is really useful as I am writing towards a point in one of my project where my MC will become pregnant!
(and, relatedly, if anyone who has had a kid wants to let me know how long you think it would be post-birth before you could ride a horse again that'd be some very handy info lol)
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When I saw that Babies documentary I remember the Mongolian mother was on a motorcycle riding back up the mountain a day after giving birth. Not quite as bumpy as horseback, but still.. I was horrified! Maybe she didn’t tear like I did. Given the choice, I would need closer to a month of recovery.
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Yeah, that does seem a little soon! Thank you for the insight, I really appreciate it.
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This and everyone's comments are very useful. While I'm not a mother myself, Ive worked with several pregnant folks (including a pregnant guy) as a seamstress. The most important factor there: nothing with buttons. Button up pants/jeans are the worst, and button up shirts are an absolute no. Basically, depending on your time period, everything will either be stretchy fabrics, or light and drapey. Also, a lot of women experience skin sensitivity which can also affect what's comfortable to wear.
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Wow, it seems "strange" to some people that a woman might not want people rubbing her belly like she is a dog? Did I even read that right?
This is the 21st century, and women are not property, curiosities, or props. I think a general rule of thumb is to assume that most people want us to keep our hands to ourselves unless invited.
Regarding the question, the sense of smell in pregnancy doesn't just change, but it often heightened. This goes for skin sensitivity and sensitivity to temperature (especially heat) as well. Sleep patterns change, usually for the worse. You may get frequent headaches or feel violently ill for the first several months or more, but you can't take most medications because they are bad for the baby. Everyone knows about the food changes, but it's hard to describe how hungry you can actually be. You wake up in the middle of the night exhausted, but utterly ravenous and needing to eat so your stomach will stop dissolving itself from the inside and you can rest. The baby rolls around and kicks you while you are sleeping, waking you up frequently. Your body changes so fast that you don't recognize yourself. As far as your biology is concerned, the growing little human you carry takes precedence over your own needs, taking iron, calories and nutrition out of your blood so that you can become deficient while the baby gets what it needs to grow. You're a mother now, and that's the way this works.
You grow used to the idea that this is a conscious, willful creature living inside your body. If you visit certain places, you might find that your baby has a strong reaction to loud noises (such as loud music or movies in a theater), and you have to leave such environments so your child will stop kicking you in the kidneys and settle down.
Sometimes, the baby doesn't move for a while and you start to worry. You long for a kick in the kidney until you start to seriously contemplate going to the hospital for a check up so you can hear the heartbeat and know everything is alright. You feel a desperate desire for the baby to be out so you can monitor his or her safety with your own eyes and know that everything is okay, but once that happens you realize it is actually 10,000 times harder.
Etc., etc., etc.
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Oh yes, I understand that you are not the one with this belief. I just thought it was unusual to see a reference to anyone thinking this is normal behavior, and wanted to set the record straight on this point!
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Just want to say, I really appreciate this.
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I was literally always eating something. A banana, string cheese, sandwich always snacking/grazing.
Some women have terrible nausea. Some women lose weight. Some women change food habits/can’t stand certain smells. Some women get insane heart burn. Some women get lots of beautiful thicker hair, often falls out post baby.
Point is there are is a crazy amount of Things that can happen and are sometimes unique to the individual.i would say your best bet is to try and be as accurate as possible but be aware there is a lot of wiggle room.
If I was really concerned, always look for Currently pregnant or women who have been pregnant for betas.
This is nice you have compiled this to help Others tho!
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Yoooo thanks, this was helpful.
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Can I give you a high-five for using the word heroine?
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Thanks! This is very useful
Anyway, time to go back to writing only male or sexuality-ambiguous female characters.
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I also think it’s worth mentioning that even people who chose to be pregnant have conflicting feelings about being pregnant and ultimately having the kid. I’m pregnant now and hate it—I didn’t enjoy my first pregnancy either—and I have regrets about getting pregnant again. I know I’ll love my kid, and pregnancy will one day be nothing more than a memory, but when you’re dealing with it, it can be agony and make you question your choices. Pregnancy is tough on a woman’s body, and childbirth isn’t just painful; it can be deadly. It’s a scary time, and you’re incredibly vulnerable. This isn’t just hormones, either. This is psychological and existential.
You also feel inhabited by something foreign, and the movement inside of you stops being beautiful after a while, lol. You feel the fetus move and kick and bore into your pelvis. You can’t eat or drink what you want or use certain medications to relieve your pain and discomfort. You can’t sleep on your back. You realize, quickly, that your body isn’t your own for the time being, and that can trigger a range of emotions, especially if you’ve been through trauma like sexual assault.
Pregnancy is also not just about carrying weight. Your entire body changes. Your boobs grow, your uterus expands, your skin becomes dry. You get hemorrhoids, sciatic pain, pelvic girdle pain, and round ligament pain. You’re often short of breath and dizzy. Again, it can feel like you’re being taken over by something, and you kind of are. Many women develop gestational diabetes or pre-eclampsia, which is deadly. And yet, women are expected to relish the time they’re pregnant and glow. We’re supposed to not complain and not have boundaries and celebrate pregnancy as a public and communal thing at the expense of our individual selves and needs. It’s strange.
Of course, I know people who loved being pregnant and found it magical. I know people who had zero complications with it and with childbirth, and that’s awesome! But that’s not typical. Pregnancy isn’t just swinging a big belly around and being “maternal.” It’s a terrifying, profound, and arduous experience. Ultimately, too, it’s creative, and like all creative processes, it’s full of risk and doubt and reward. I love my daughter, and I’ll love my soon-to-be son, but that doesn’t mean pregnancy isn’t any less challenging.
Thanks for the insight. I play around with the thought of getting a character pregnant or getting a child during a timeskip between books.
Especially the part about the "creative process" made me think. That character already nearly killed herself while creating something, so I think I know what you mean with the "risk of creation". She even doubted her skills for a while after the incident and feared her own creation when it was finished, but it all went good in the end and she was proud of the end result.
Is this comparable?
edit: Sorry for maybe stupid question... but gathering personal experience in this field is and will be impossible for me.
That’s not stupid at all! It’s super interesting, actually! I think any time someone creates something, especially with their body, it takes something from the creator, whether it’s physical, mental, or both. What you wrote is very comparable.
Honestly, any major transformation is both creative and destructive like pregnancy and childbirth are.
If you are curious: the character I talk about tried building a gun, using the one from her bodyguard as an inspiration. Sadly the first prototype blew up in her face and she was lucky to only get some scars from it. Changed her quite a bit and taught her patience like nothing before could, given that she is a quite jumpy and impatient character.
Insight is much appreciated.
This was some great insight. I have about four characters who become pregnant over a period of time. Each one faces a dilemma due to their predicament. One suffers from postpartum. Another has mixed feelings due to her dire circumstances which could mean death for her and her unborn child. Another is initially excited but knows that she must bear a son in order. The four suffers from a extremely difficult and taxing pregnancy that leaves her weak and tired. I loved how you explained this. I will keep all of this in mind in the development of the characters.