Source
r/OCPoetry•
xcardking01x

Dental Visit

Poem

Nerves heat in   eyes closed   light does not talk
A touch on the gums
Three, Two, Three,
and they bleed

Soft clack of lead   mechanical demands   responds gargling
Frantic flossing
Four, two, two,
Brush, brush, brush

Hand raised   angry at wrong answers   I don't know
Floor cleaner needed
Two, four, three,
To bleach

Sense of relative   derived from a wet mouth   poster, no guide
Cigarette yellow
Three, five, three,
On buck front teeth

Bite averaged marks   teal marshmallow coat   broken desk
Sweet tea gummed up
Three, three, two,
Sore gaps and cavities

Connected to   ferrule grit scrapes   doodles/answers
Fried skin, chicken and fish,
Two, Three, two,
Worms in shredded pieces

Gloss crumpled image: a textbook   scrapping chairs   oddly humid room
Sticker star hologram corner   wooden hallway children   overcast outside

     I'm going to bleed.
     Five, two, three,
     She smiling hates me.

     Four, three, two,
     My jaw decaying.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/txug3t/comment/i3qe8xl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/txqgt3/comment/i3qbynq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3

Posted Apr 7, 2022, 7:06 AM UTC · edited

56
[deleted]•

This was the poem I had fun reading so far.I have never gone to denstists.So the idea of yours being appointed with a dentist is already shivering me.LOL

2
Felouria•

I love this poem a lot. I like the form, with a long line followed by two short lines. I like to think this is the point of view of someone on a lot of laughing gas getting their cavity taken out (or something like that) and they see these clipped images to and fro. I think this poem is very abstract and it deals with abstraction very well. Great, great job. I will be saving this and reading it later.

2
Optimist-Primo•

This was a very interesting read. I rather enjoyed the combination of very detailed and specific imagery, which really helped me visualize the experience (I felt like I was there), combined with other very abstract and ambiguous details, in addition to the form in which it was all delivered. The biggest question in my mind is the sequence of 3 numbers in every stanza. I am not sure what they signify and am curious if they mean something specific or something more abstract and metaphorical. Very creative and thought-provoking!

2
xcardking01xOP•

So, that moment was meant to symbolize when a dentist is asking you questions, have you been flossing, using mouth wash, flossing, and you have to answer. There's something about the authority of a dentist that kind of infantilizes you when you go in and haven't taken care of your teeth and you feel like you're going to get scolded for telling them no so you try and bs your way out it. Only, its your teeth, so to fix the lack care a lot of harsh things need to be introduced. The 'floor cleaner' bit was a reference to Listerine, which actually started out as floor cleaner before it became an oral antiseptic.

1
pydgeon•

I’ve always loved this form of poetry, it’s something like the written version of abstract art; less about the words or shapes that are there in front of you, and a great deal more to do with the words that aren’t. Simple, effective.

2
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