Milk

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This feels like the speaker is capturing the mindset of woman in the grasp of a toxic relationship and the serpent like 'you' who traps her; each stanza representing a moment in time as she goes from hating the 'you' in the first stanza to surrendering to the 'you', though its not clear if its willing or not. The damage done to woman by the 'you' feels like its the cause of the 'faltering chest', that their venom has poisoned them into compliance. Its almost as if its impossible to tell whether her consent is her own anymore, so damaged and corrupted that its not clear whether she even capable at this point.

But there is a big element in this that I feel needs to be addressed, and it surrounds that final missing line in the last stanza. While it feels thematic, the cycle never closed, the relationship never truly over, I feel that last line needs to be for the speaker to address themselves directly to the reader, the final sense making line, and it must be around this one topic: why did they stand by and let this happen? The speaker has access to both the woman and the second person you, perhaps meant as an intentional analog for the reader and their relationship to the poet, but it takes no side in either. It tries to maintain the same kind of scientific objectivity of recording the predatory behavior its witnessing as a nature documentary. But it feels like the speaker's tone isn't one quite informed by distance; it relishes in both personalities, it identifies with both, and so while it leads with the damaged woman, starting off what would seem to be a narrative of empowerment, it turns to one of self-destruction, fetishized to a degree. Why does the speaker only play witness to these incidents? Does it delight in the dichotomy? The emotional depth? Or did they know what was happening was futile from the start and merely recounting the incident?

All of this, that last and most part of sense making, needs to go into the last line. The speaker needs to come forward and finish the scene off, let their final bit of sense justify there place and their conclusion resulting from witness it from that position.

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Also, as a lost note, maybe a justification of why she falls for 'you'. Is it just the fetishized toxic nature of it, the wrongness of it all? I think that could use a stanza.

Wow. Love this! You perfectly described what an abusive/toxic relationship is like. The imagery that the use of snakes and constricting provided was excellent. Great word choice😊 The part where you talk about her fire dying/being put out by her partner, saddened me to my core. This is a beautifully written piece, with a heavy story😊