Lonely Nights

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Flows very well. A lovely poem about wanting someone back.

You start in a location- in bed at night alone, then shifts to day. You go into saying "I want.." repeating over and over. I like all the repeated lines here. Then you go in the past and say "tell me what you're thinking when laying by my side" we go back to the bed image, now it is bittersweet. And then in a few lines, you go back to repeating- this time with "let me...".

This poem subtly travels. I think it does it well. It travels from locations to repetitions, and this traveling makes it flow much better.

As I read the lines, I felt as if I am seeing myself in them.. that suffocating loneliness as night turns into day and day turns into night feels all too comfortable at this point.. that regret, that want to have someone who could have been yours, who was yours at some point but now lies miles away is something numbingly recognizable... Everything felt smooth and flowy while reading and the picture it paints was so sad yet so real.. Great work, it's a beautiful piece..

I thought this flowed nicely and that you did a nice attempt at repetition, but i have some suggestions. There are some parts that rhyme, and others that could easily rhyme. Ex. “I want to feel a lot less lonely I want you to be lying beside me. I want to feel your head on my chest, I want to feel your hand in mine. Tell me what you’re thinking while lying by my side, Look into my eyes and tell me where your heart resides.”

So obviously i made some not insignificant wording structure alterations, but for me, it can be a bit distracting when a piece has some semblance of a rhyming scheme but doesn’t follow through with it. Like it can just detract from a poem that otherwise has a lovely flow.

I dont follow this with every piece myself, but i do find that deciding on whether you’re going to consistently rhyme or have a scheme does make mine better. But i still enjoyed this and thought it was a very nice read. Conveys loneliness well and was pleasant to go through