As the sun rises in our hearts,
Hold me close
Like the wind holds the earth,
Intertwined as the roots in the soil,
Hold me close,
Just like the waves
That kiss the shores,
Hold me close,
As the sun sets,
Writing another chapter in our eyes,
Our lips telling no lies,
Hold me close,
Into the night,
As our dream of what we could be take flight.
Hold me c l o s e,
Posted Apr 8, 2022, 8:29 AM UTC
It’s very nice. I don’t think I would want to change anything. The only thing is, I know this isn’t a rule, neither is it something you should change, but, maybe having no spaces between normal lines in a paragraph and only having lines between the paragraphs may be better. I’m talking about every “hold me close” and maybe periods before them would be nice. But either way, great job! I bet the person you share this with will like it!
That opening line is heat. It grabbed me pretty quick in to the poem. "like the wind holds the earth" is another fire line. This poem is sweet & tender. I like how you open with the sunrise, start to close with the sunset, and close with the night. It gives direction to the poem.
Hold me close, hold me a bit longer than what you usually do. Loved the waves kissing the shore, does it signify that the waves went crashing back as fast as they draped your feet? Overall, this poem connected with me and my forlorn heart that craves a person's hug and for it to last longer than what it actually did.
Really wonderful imagery. And the "hold me close" refrain fits in so well!
oh my god! this is such a wonder poem and really amazing analogies, i love the emphasis on "hold me close" and the subsequent vivid imagery. this is one of those correlating nature with romance poems and its so omnipresent. to me it feels as if the heart is craving affection in everything it finds around it. thank you for writing this piece, its spectacular and once again this really hit home for that wanting of companionship
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