Hmmm…you are correct D_C … dangnabbit. They did add a read only version.

I did try that, but it seems like copy/pasting wasn't permitted for this document? I didn't know that was even an option. Had to type out all my quotes from the story too.

> noped out

I know this is an extra step or two, but if you select all and copy then create a new g-doc and paste, you will have a 'clean' version scrubbed of suggestions and comments (they don't transfer with copy-paste).

Yeah I think "condescending" was fairly well accomplished even without what I highlighted. I do like him generally. I really liked a lot about the story; some of the depth of the likeability is just hidden by scaffolding and construction noises right now. I'd keep reading.

Thank you so much, this is exactly the sort of thing I needed to hear. 
Your problem with disconnect between the reader and the POV was something that hadn't even OCCURED to me before, but it's very apparent as I'm reading through it now. Elohto's motivation is explained more in the part which I had to cut, but everything you said remains valid as there needs to be more reason for a reader to even get that far in. Dialogue is an easy fix - I appreciate your suggestions. I wanted to make the stranger kind of condescending, although now I see how it might come across as... erm... *cringe*. There's probably a balance between the two which I need to find.
Thanks again for giving me loads of stuff to work on!

This will be a crit in a little while but I felt I should say that I almost noped out when I opened it to all of those strike-throughs and highlights. You could consider adding a link to a read-only copy and that would ensure you're not losing potential feedback.

**GENERAL IMPRESSION**

I like the premise. The characters are interesting. The story itself I think needs some action-reaction logic work, especially in the first half, just so that it's easier to follow and does a better job of pulling people in instead of leaving them asking, "Wait, what? Why?"

**HOOK**

> he already knew she lacked mental fortitude - there was no need to reveal any physical inadequacies just yet.

Literally the last line lol. This is where you got me to want to keep reading. Why here:

1. evident voice
2. HUMOR
3. clear characterization

And then the rest of this crit is mostly going to be me going over "why not before". 

**WHY NOT BEFORE**

DISCONNECT BETWEEN WHAT I KNOW AND WHAT ELOHTO KNOWS

The stor

Hello r/DestructiveReaders,

New sub-member here who's recently got into writing as a hobby. I've enjoyed reading other submissions over the past couple days and I'm now ready to offer my own work for literary annihilation. It's the first chapter of a sci-fi novel which I might choose to continue. I'm particularly interested in how the characters are received, but all feedback is obviously welcome.

I've posted this in two parts in accordance with sub guidelines. Part two available soon for those who are interested.

Here's the link to the [commented document](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1cv7PZaKwi1v0xmDInrCu3fCPp6-bcmMBP-2-Gfis_D4/edit?usp=sharing) and the [read only](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1L4XIXrPPyGepjIVAAxhXriALDB9T9HHcsH6L9v_KRRA/edit?usp=sharing).

And here is my own critique:

[\[3510\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/u53vbi/comment/i55ifqy/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

I apologise for the lack of structure with this critique, I'm still finding my footing with the whole process.

[2264] Blue on the Moon