I'm a bit confused as to who the narrator is; it's mostly third-person narration, but partway through you have it go into first person. Are you trying to mimic an oral retelling a la The Odyssey? Interesting style, but it reads like normal, novel-style prose, not epic poetry. Try being a bit more fanciful/bombastic with word choices, because I didn't get any big ideas from this piece.

My main problem with it is that, even as a prologue or first chapter, it feels incomplete. Mainly it's just because I have experience with serialized works, but I feel as if every chapter should have a clear start and endpoint, and this just kind of fizzles. I don't get a proper sense for the world here, either-- you have someone with a Nordic name coming to an Oracle of a god with a Greek-sounding name? What's the aesthetic here? We get plenty of description of the Oracle and her Priest, but what does Arowulf look like? Where does he come from in relation to here? And what does he do after the Oracle gi

> Without saying a word, she interrupted him with a soft smile.

"Without saying a word" is redundant because it's obvious from the text that she does not speak. I'd just get on with the rest of the sentence. 

> “A man lost must find out where he is before determining where to go. To determine where he is, he must determine how he got there.”

Determine, determine, determine. How about: "A man lost must know where he is before determining where to go. To know where he is, he must remember how he got there."

> The fire blazed and turned green.

I had imagined it was already green because this was the only color descriptor given to fire throughout. I think when the Eternal Flame is introduced at the start it might be worth mentioning what color it is to keep it distinct from the green flames in the bowls. 

#**CONCLUSION**

So yeah, generally, I think this is missing description to carry the dark tone, characterization to help me connect with Arowulf, and some setting outside of the te

Hello! Thank you for your submission! 

#**GENERAL IMPRESSION**

I'm not sure how well this works as a prologue... I think this world you're building and the story you're hinting at here *could* be interesting, but I don't think there's enough conflict set up or enough character depth right now for it to make me want to keep reading. As-is, I'd say the cut-and-refer-to-later option is looking best. I think this accomplishes a few things a prologue should do halfway, but none of them fully.

#**AS A HOOK**

The most interesting element of this story for me was the priest with the deformed face. You've set up the skeleton of a religion with weird-looking priests, an oracle and a fire god, green flames, etc. That's all promising and I'd like to know more about how religion works in this world, how pervasive it is, how present the god/gods are and if they affect the world in tangible ways. This aspect of the story, it seemed to me, was given the most attention.

**AROWULF**

Arowulf is muc

**Overall Thoughts during first-read**

They're some instances of densely paced prose that, instead of giving the reader clear information, made somewhat read at first glance. 

>The priests’ ???entrancingly slow humming echoed through the temple hall. Cloaked in shadows, they lined the walls, bowls of green fire in their hands. The flames danced in the mist as it crept along the cobbled floor. Arowulf nervously watched, shifting his balance from one foot to another, as the grey strings entangled his legs

This is the first paragraph and, yes, we do meet some characters, but they're surrounded by loads of exposition and detail about their clothing that should take a backseat to the more important goals. I'm also a bit biased due to overwriting such lines myself, but I'm not a fan where adjectives are inserted into characters' beings. "He was sure it felt it probing in his mind" seems like It could've been replaced with something meaningful. But as I continued to read the story your usa

For the first paragraph, the direction and contextual setup of the setting is confusing. Incorporating a lot of detail to craft a scene is good advice, but it should be used in moderation. Yes, the first paragraph is indeed only 5 lines and not a long list of unnecessary details, but the details included prematurely rob the piece of its depth. For instance, take the line: 'The flames danced in the mist as it crept along the cobbled floor.' The literary technique employed here is indeed commendable, but it in conjunction with the rest of the setup, it sets up a really convoluted narrative. As Stephen A. King says, 'Kill your darlings.' The sentence could be bloody shakespearean for all I care, but if it's ineffective with the rest of the paragraph, delete it. 

&#x200B;

As I read into the subsequent paragraphs, it's clear that you suffer from something a lot of writer's deal with: thesaurusing. You may not have used the thesaurus directly, but your writing displays a tonne of misplaced

*General thoughts regarding the story*

It completely lacks any conflict, so this could not stand alone as a story. I do like the oracle, and I find that it gives the story a nice touch. I like how it's extremely formal until he actually meets the oracle which is pretty casual. I know some religions gods are very open with their sexuality, so perhaphs hinting towards that might increase the casual vibe also, if you want to give the priests more personality, maybe he overhears one of their conversations. 

*Fantasy elements* 

The fantasy elements are clearly here. The priests are said to be dead or near dead, or perhaps simply afflicted by a terrible curse, either way, you should hint at it more in the start. Right now, you give us the hint after explaining the cause. To give you an example, you say, "they are monstrous. this must be why we don't get to look at them," but if you switch them around and go, "I wonder why we don't get to look at them. They're monstrous." Then it becomes m

I am confused about the main character here as I cannot quite sympathize with what they have on their plate. Furthermore, you tend to use tell, but not show which can be shown in part about Arowulf as to why he felt stupid - maybe you can describe his actions, such as looking left and right, looking uncomfortable, and refusing to look at other's eyes. The prologues don't have much of a hook for me somehow. It feels lacking and has no purpose. I think you can consider deleting it if it wasn't too important to the story's pacing.

Hi there,

This is part of a larger story, but I believe it can stand on its own. I’m still unsure if this should be the prologue, first chapter or be cut entirely and to reference it throughout the main story.

I tried experimenting with the narrator’s voice a bit. I’d like for him to sometimes add snippets of his own though or information that contextualises the world. Do you think it worked?

As a prologue/first chapter, I understand it has to convey what the story is going to be like. I tried to show that there is a little fantasy (but it’s unclear if magic exists or if it's just trickery), that it can be dark, but also humorous, and that the main underlying theme is answering the big questions in life. Do you think that worked out?

[The Oracle of Pelliae](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HCX-nSEAI7bOM0jpZOdlYKJg_yum2mZmL1pbUdKLm1Q/edit?usp=sharing)

Thanks for reading!

[[1247]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/uagieu/comment/i5zy68b/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=web2x&amp;context=3)

[784] The Oracle of Pelliae