You can teach a man to eat,
but you can't teach him to feed.
You can teach him to fish,
but he'll keep casting his net on the left side.
What happens when they are destroyed?
I observe
their clouded eyes,
their putrefying viscera,
their miasmatic stench
rotting here
in the waxing sun,
in the waning sky,
in the war-torn silt.
My home is caused to be odious.
Wasn't really sure if this was SFW or not, better to be safe than sorry I guess :/
Posted Apr 26, 2022, 5:04 AM UTC
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This came off to me as an illustration of the horror of war. The first stanza kind of through me for a loop though as I couldn't make the connection between the first and second stanzas. The imagery you use in the second stanza is much more powerful than the idioms you use in the first stanza.
This line seemed like it needed active voice. As written it doesn't sound right.
You could say War makes my home odious or my home is odious (because of the war).
This was interesting. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you! I intentionally try to write using the vagueness of certain words for multiple meanings, but I recognize that some lines in this one could be adjusted or added to make the themes more clear