[1285] The Starmaker and the Lesser Angel

Even personally I don't really like what I wrote, but I do want to get exposed to more criticism as I've been pretty private about my writing and have decided to improve (and everybody I do show just say it's "good"). This is something that I've decided on scrapping because I don't think there's much redemption for it, but I would like to see if I can make it a bit better before it gets backlogged.

There's a few things I would like critique and suggestions on:

1. The second paragraph. The beginning to the story is the most important to a short story, and I felt my beginning was lacking. Any suggestions?

2. Too much dialogue. In particular, too much boring dialogue, no subtlety. I think it reads like someone dumping their life story on someone. Was there too much dialogue? What would you suggest instead?

3. Boring and unengaging. In terms of narrative, structure, and prose. Sentences tend to be on the longer side, which contributes to the boredom. Did the descriptions come off too pretentious? The story too preachy?

4. General impressions. Did it miss its mark?

5. Anything else I missed?

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gO__6CxDgcT70rIh2ohg6QbM1as7Oj0RXK3s7FJwhqA/edit?usp=sharing

Thank you!

Critiques (please tell me if these are too low effort):

[696] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/ueppp7/696_if_i_were_your_angel_my_son/i6rbtbm/

[1560] https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/uf0a1g/1560_the_breakfast_table/i6rgekq/?context=3