Queen

Poem

I'll build my own kingdom,

I'll be my own Queen,

I'll burn my own money,

I'll buy my own bling,

I'll write my own bible,

I'll create my own theme,

I'll be my own god,

I'll bow to my knees,

I'll smoke my own drugs,

I won't covet your things,

I'll grant my own wish,

I'll live my own dream,

I'll speak my my own language,

I'll walk my own stride,

I'll carve my own path,

And color outside the lines,

I'll build my own kingdom,

I'll be my own Queen,

I'll burn my own money,

I'll buy my own bling,

I'll smoke my own drugs,

I'll feel my own high,

I'll make my own bed,

I'll dream my own life

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uhhf62/untitled_haiku/i76bz96?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uhhmer/mums_handbag/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Posted May 19, 2022, 12:49 AM UTC

2718

Love this on so many levels. The nonconformity of the write tells the story of an independent author marching to the different drum playing solely for her. Rhyme and meter are beautifully expressed and repetition for effect. You keep writing. Paint the page with your individual art. Well done!!

6
GloriaRoseWintersOP•

That is exactly how I felt while I was writing it. Thank you so much!

3
SisterStrong•

I love it. “Burn my own money” makes me feel the sheer power of self ownership and not giving a flying fadoodle. I would have deleted “and” and just had the line be “color outside the lines.” “Dream my own life”. Selective repetition, I got ABCD EFGH IJKL MNOP ABCD IQRL* with I being the special line repeated by itself “smoke my own drugs”, ABCD being the repeated quartet, and live my own dream / dream my own life the reversed L/L*. I wonder why smoke my own drugs was special enough among all these excellent lines to get repeated? Regardless of why, it made me pay extra attention to it. Thanks for sharing!

3
GloriaRoseWintersOP•

Thank you for the feed back! To answer your question, I wrote this back in my stoner days lol

3
po333try•

I like the contrast of words like queen/kingdom/covet and bling/burn my money. this was a confident statement to worship one’s Self.

3
GloriaRoseWintersOP•

That's what I was going for! Thank you!

2
geoffwithano•

I really like the alliteration and the confidence this poem radiates. To me, it's indicative of moving on and starting a new chapter of your life. To some extent, it seems hubristic, but when you're starting again, hubris can be a good thing.

2
GloriaRoseWintersOP•

That's pretty much what I was going for. Thank you!

1

Hi, OP. I love to see someone feeling empowered. There were a few lines that didn't quite work for me: specifically , "I'll create my own theme" and "I'll bow to my knees." They felt a little out of place to me for some reason. But, I know nothing about poetry, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I'd also like it if there were some sensory details in here so it would feel more like a poem and less like a list of affirmations. But, the poem as a whole still worked for me. It still painted a picture of the man the speaker is no longer shackled to without having to say a single word about him. I want this to be a song.

2
ElvaTheElf•

Well written with amazing structure, I need to work more on punctuation, do you write on mobile or PC? I'm often on Mobile and have yet to find a tip or trick that works for me to remember it.

2
GloriaRoseWintersOP•

I write on mobile. I don't know. Punctuation is everything to me, so I just never really forget it. I wish I could help...

1
O_Myydam•

Aye! My head hurts... This was a very bright idea.. check Reddit out! See if I might fit in.. Aye! It's to early for me to conceed to nay saying.. I'm not sure how to critique this one persay.. it slapped me in the face with the spirit of kindred. So rather than just try and critique the parts, I think it would be best for you if I just drop it on you like it's hot.. nah! I am well aware that this is a 50/50 scenario.. 50 this is a person full of selfishness, 50 this is a person full of heartache, probably low self esteem, and in need of some confidence, all of which are spurred on by other peoples actions or inactions, believe me I know! It is what it is and if you are not just a selfish person.. that would make you what I'd rather know you are which is a person so full of hurt and feeling let down by family and friends that will say they understand but most likely it seems to you they don't even hear you to understand anything past they're own understandings of what ever they think who you are. And any romantic interest probably start out ok but then they cannot handle the person you actually are.. let me guess.. when it comes to romantic interest your afraid, so you let who you actually are shine through n the respect that you go tat extra mile to make sure that person is comfortable and as they're needs met, but it gets exhausting because they take what you offer and they think they are reciprocating but not as to who you are and you try and show them but they either are not willing to just look up and see you or flat out won't because to them you would be filed under "two handfuls" when in reality, you are what God intended us all to be! Let me guess.. what most whip out their trusty label guns and tag as, clingy! In reality is your not just your desire for closeness but need for closeness.. holding hands, cuddling, the non sexual touchy feely, conversation, the real intimacy.. Then you are always focused on them and learning what they like and what to do to make them feel better and all because it's just a part of who you actually are and you enjoy doing it and not just because you love them but because it's part of who you are. You've been hurt so bad and let down so much that the hurt has manifested into real feelings like you poured out in this poem.. the biggest problem for you is the fact that these feelings are real but, you don't want to feel these feelings and it almost feels like these feelings are forced on you because to you they seem alien to you or strange..either way unwanted! Let me guess..your so full of love that it shine for anyone to see well, for anyone willing to see you because your warm to even strangers which in reality, you know no strangers, just unrealized friends, brothers and sisters and lovers..do yourself a favor..google the Meyers/Briggs personality traits.. there is 16 personality traits on the planet.. everyone belongs to one of them and narcissist is not one of them.. every personality had the ability to be a narcissist, it's just stronger for some traits.. take the test and identify your trait.. then you can go to like, YouTube is who I like..and just type in your personality trait and you an watch podcast on who you are and it's like, so that's why I do that, so that's why I've done that all my life! For me, it was like a load being lifted from me. You would be surprised at how just being who you are is taxing on you..if I'm right and your not just a selfish person.. I bet you have to fight with a little panic and anxiety.. and if I'm right I know something about you just from reading your poem well.. I didn't just read it, it just about beat me to death and I'm me soooo.. I couldn't just turn a blind eye and let you suffer. Your what most would call intense an example of my meaning would be, when you love, you love deep and you are all in.. but the downside to who you are, when your angry, your fury is just as intense as your love..I do not like using this word but I guess I better.. hate! Your love is deep but if a situation goes to far , your hate is just as powerful as your love.. I say this because reading your poem I felt you are an INFJ personality.. if you are then you are very rare, just like myself.. they call us a walking, talking contradiction.. our strengths are equally intense love/hate.. if you are an INFJ, I bet you have been called a narcissist before because of it to.. don't sweat it..if you are an INFJ, this is how rate you actually are.. 1 1/2% of the population of the entire world are INFJ.. factor in habitat meaning surroundings, influences, things like that.. pretty much every INFJ is a one of a kind..I find some comfort in knowing I get t live knowing every time I open my eyes I get to be something everybody claims to want but they're actions say different.. I get to be truely different were I have found most just talk that stuff if wanting to be different but seem to fight like crazy to be the same.. the INFJ needs real above all! Trust is a super fragile thing with the INFJ...if I'm right, I hope I've said something to help you out and God knows the INFJ is the first to tell nay sayers, "I told you so!" If my intuition is off! Well, I didn't hurt a thing did I? BTW! It was the independence and if nobody cares enough to want to do life with me screw it! I will do it myself! At least I know I won't let me down! Oh yeah.. if I'm right, trust me.. most people that are not deep would read your poem and say this is a crazy so and so! The secret, they almost right! Life would sure enough suck go the INFJ if we ere not a little crazy and secondly, after we have given our all to be good to a person and its never mattered, the INFJ don't give a flying **** what others think! I hope I've helped..

2
GloriaRoseWintersOP•

This is spot on.. I am an INFJ!

1
Paffles16•

My favorite part about this poem is the rhythm. It does a great job of amplifying the message of beating to your own drum; because I feel like I can hear it in my head! I like the title, but since I enjoy the rhythm so much I think "The Queen's Drum" would fit quite well too. I really enjoyed the contrast in word choice too; specifically "god" and "drug". Plus, the capitalization of "Queen" and not "god" stirred up some strong emotions. I really felt a sense of empowerment

2
GloriaRoseWintersOP•

Thank you!

1

I can't describe how powerful this sounded read a loud. It is beautiful! The author sounds strong and knows what they want. Their going do what they want, it has a wonderful flow to it as well and I can almost sing it lol I've reread it 3 times now and it just fits together wonderfully.

2
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1
scabby_patty•

Empowering. That's what I get from this poem.

The repetition, rhyme, and alliteration make this poem move. It has its own tempo and rhythm that makes you sway to the words. You have a masterful way of creating a scene and painting it in the reader's mind. I love that the author has that no fucks given attitude throughout. This is by far my favorite poem. Keep writing! You're obviously an amazing poet.

1