Untitled haiku
I am a stranger
In an unfamiliar land
Where I once was king
Feedback:
Posted May 3, 2022, 2:31 PM UTC
7930
i've been studying short poems like this one to try and learn how to convey layers of meaning through short pose. this is a perfect example of that; you managed to get so much across with three lines.
i think the juxtaposition of the words 'stranger' and 'king' is what makes this so meaningful. we think of a stranger as someone to disregard, someone who doesn't know their way around-- whereas we think of a king to be the opposite, someone knowledgeable of the land and powerful in his reign. and the idea that they could be the same person is a realistic yet paradoxical idea.
i also like that this seems to be very much a metaphor that could apply to so many people and situations. we've all had a moment where we think we're on top of things until suddenly we're not, and it does feel like being a nobody in a place you once had control of. it's such a simple thought but it can reach so many people.
6
This reminds me of the egg theory. Maybe we have been kings before.
5
http://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html
Here's the story in text, if you prefer that. Lots of language options too.
1
Short and simple and also very relatable. Good work!
2
Thank you!
2
It is so mysterious, I love it.
2
Thank you so much!
1
Haiku is a lovely art form. Well done!
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I appreciate it
1
it’s like viva la vida by coldplay in haiku. i love it so much!
2
Interesting!
1
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1
I don’t know how three pretty simple lines can do this much, but it really does! Very mysterious and makes me want to know more lol. Love it :)
1
Oh wow! Thank you for the feed back it means a lot!
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i like how simple this is. love it!
1
i like how simple this is. love it!
1
Everything has changed except you.
The people around you treat you differently
Everything's different when you look at things bottom up
Especially when you used to look at it top down
Grieve your loss
1
It’s so effective, it’s a great example of conveying a story in a limited work count! You should be super proud!
1
Thank you so much
1
This is really a very well-formed, enjoyable poem that makes me want to know so much more! This is also a really effective poem because of its relatability--you don't specify the area or even if it's a physical place you're talking about--so this could be about just about any unfair fish-out-of-water situation.
Also, it's unique because it leaves the door open to wonder if you are referring to a more internal, personal journey.
Either way, it's well-written and captures your attention easily
1
Hey sometimes even the simplest lyric can work and that's the important thing!
1
Love it. Absolutely love it!
1
Don’t have much to add that hasn’t been said. But this is absolutely beautiful
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Thank you so much!
1
This is why I love haikus! I love brevity. when you juxtapose "unfamiliar" and then "king" it hits damn hard and gives the speaker all that kinda story that they can't or don't wanna tell. A tradition of haikus is having it pivot from line 2 to 3, and you got that in there. well done.
1
I believe this is rather a senryu instead of a haiku
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F⁵For55⁵Fordf150
1
Less is more.
This haiku tells a story of someone who had it all and lost it only to return to a place so familiar and yet so foreign.
Every king reigns and falls like the rain. 10/10.
This literally made my day thank you so much
Np!
Thanks for making my day with a delicious haiku. :)