Source
r/OCPoetry•
osho77

Grapes

Poem

I'll drown in these bad ideas

I'll dance with the vertigo

Search for the gold that doesn't exist

So you can please your queen

...

She can't tell between placebo and the real thing

She's so fickle, reminds me of my little sister

But you love her, more than what's good for her

She'll drown in these bad ideas too

...

She'll please the wicked ones until god curses her

For her own good, they'll say, she sunk

I'll plant some vines for her

I hope she'll bless me with her drunk eyes

...

My contribution towards the community -

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uwpokv/dead_roses/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uwuvhz/abandoned_and_deceived/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Posted May 24, 2022, 8:20 PM UTC

46
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1
Kizmetlovelace414•

I love the last stanza offering a vine to her clearly drowning and not being able to be saved

1
osho77OP•

Yeah that is bit fatalistic but if there exist such a thing as destiny maybe it works out best for her. I hope she enjoys the wine though xx

1
Feeling-Space6050•

I like the pacing of this poem. It flows smoothly and the writing style and word choices ("Grapes", "dancing", "queen', "god", "fickle" etc.) remind me of Dinoynsus and the fickle nature of Greek gods--how they demand sacrifice and worship but might still wreak havoc on those who offer it to them. Throughout the poem, I'm left with a question: while the author obviously cares for "you" who seems to be bewitched by the queen (drunk on love perhaps?), and then states how both they and the queen "will drown in these bad ideas" where does that leave "you", the person to whom this poem is addressed? are they also drowning with their lover or are they left behind, forced to live with the consequences? Overall, fantastic!

1
osho77OP•

Oh wow that is the first time I've heard that comparison. I realise now that I've left some blank spaces for the reader to fill in with their imagination. To answer your question literally I was consoling a friend at the time who thought they've found love. But it was their first time falling for a girl and I've been a part of their relationship like every friend is. The girl my friend was dating is an ambitious person and my friend tried very hard to compensate with her but in the end she felt like he wasn't enough for her. I understood both of their perspective but felt in the end it has changed all three of us in a way we couldn't really comprehend. I was just letting my mind run through ideas while writing this and try to understand the situation the best I can. Thanks for reading and commenting xx

2
Feeling-Space6050•

Thank you for sharing! I definitely jumped the gun a little bit with my connection to Greek mythology, but I think that came through more in the writing style than the content itself. With the context, the message of the poem comes through quite clearly, although it wasn't necessarily lost without it. I think you've done a great job expressing those sentiments, especially in the lines "so you can please your queen," but you love her...", "I hope she'll bless me..." I really enjoyed this!

1