Hover over all,
Bobbing heads drowning up right,
Can no longer cry.
[I have a doodle that went with this haiku (of Menacing hands hovering over a face up right in the ocean)]
My contribution to the community:
https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ux01j4/grapes/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Posted May 24, 2022, 11:15 PM UTC
Hello! For some reason, this Haiku stood out to my while searching for posts to review. I don't know if I'm drawing the intended meaning, but it sounds nice. Would you mind sharing what the intended interpretation to this is? I want to give a more complex review, but I can't. It's one of those things where the words illicit an emotional response, but you can't put your finger on why. I really do like it though! =)
Hey there! I appreciate that very much. The interpretation in my words would be major depression that has long been ignored. That not even the sight of near death allows one to release that built up emotion. I was inspired by an auto erotic xfixiation situation that went too far. I hope that helps. ;p
Splendid! I admit, the inspiration wasn't what I had expected, but I think that adds uniqueness to it. You're depressed and barely standing, unable to continue but unable to quit also. Love it =)
The choice to separate the words “up right” stood out to me. Upright is the obvious interpretation, but the word “right” separated makes me think this is a poem about su*****. The last line confirms my suspicions. I believe the first line would represent the fact that these were good people, sent up to heaven afterwards. Am I correct? In any case, excellent work. Much meaning packed into few words.
I honestly forgot that "upright" was one word when I wrote it but I value this interpretation of yours. I definitely see this in a lynching concept. The first line yes, is the concept of heaven yet its kind of a lingering void. Unknown to the drowned body gazing "up right". Emotionless for it is the body that was left behind.
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I enjoy haikus, short and concise with meaning. Great job! I understood it as always being in water, going up and down under the surface without a chance for reprieve?
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