Half My Soul

Poem

I’d trade my life for a slice of your soul

Or a minute of your time

A whisper in the wind could tear us apart

Who knew that love was a crime?

Our kingdom collapsed when the soldiers arrived

No guard would defend our land

They burned our bed and tattered our sheets

A union they didn’t understand

I reached for your hand, but felt only chains

The crowd shouted your sin

For I was a maiden in the Garden of Eden

A “child” seduced by your grin

They called you a devil when your eyes met mine

But I knew you were flesh and blood

Our love was a fire, but the burn was sweet

Still, they sent a flood

I’d trade the world for a glimpse of your smile

Those beautiful lips they stole

They ripped you away like a gun in my hand

I’m missing half my soul

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uy81q8/untitled_sound_file_available/ia2refq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uy2gkk/fortune/ia2rp94/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3

Posted May 26, 2022, 3:37 PM UTC

1217
abelkonweb•

This is an interesting perspective to read. I get a sense from the quotation marks you used around the word child that this person does not consider themselves to be one but others do. I felt like I was in the head of someone who is abused but hasn’t seen evil in the person that mistreats them. Especially with the line “They called you a devil when your eyes met mine” - the narrator meeting eyes with this person was a significant and important event in their life. However, others (They) were able to remove this influential figure from the narrator’s life and they are struggling to get through the fallout. The consistent use of Biblical elements (sun, devil, garden of eden, soul) heightens the absolute sense of right and wrong that is present through all the lines. This further illustrates the discrepancy between the narrator’s worldview and the events that have transpired. What a moving poem! Thank you for sharing.

4
throw-away-redittOP•

thanks for your feedback! the child in quotation marks was put there because i’m not actually a child (i’m 17), but many people judge my relationship with an older partner. although his intentions are pure, he is viewed as the devil by others. again, thank you so much for reading! i’m glad you enjoyed it😊

0
One-Perception7938•

This is such a graceful and unique embodiment of a classic tale of forbidden love. I can feel the emotion you poured into this. Thank you for sharing.

2
throw-away-redittOP•

thank you!

1
exclaim_bot•

thank you!

You're welcome!

1
Creebjeez•

Wow - if this is literally about what it sounds like it’s about this feels profound. Thank you for your honesty. Thank you for your perspective. I needed this today. I needed this this moment.

2
throw-away-redittOP•

thank you! out of curiosity, what do you think it’s about? i would love to know how other people are interpreting it😊

1
Creebjeez•

An underage person in love and in a relationship with an older person where people stepped in and separated them. But it’s written from a genuine and in love perspective of underage person. It sounds very teenage bedroom poetry, which is very sweet especially given the possible severity of the circumstances. Love comes in all shapes and sizes and levels of messiness.

1
throw-away-redittOP•

indeed

1
Creebjeez•

Well whatever your real life circumstances - I liked it. Keep writing. Way to go

2
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1
illignoretherules•

The flow of this poem was lovely, you are really spectacular at rhyming. What would you say is the rhyming scheme for a poem such as this?

1
throw-away-redittOP•

thank you! the rhyming scheme is just rhyming the second line with the fourth one.

1
LBKsupreme220•

There is this desperation written in this piece that I find myself loving. It speaks to a more Shakespearean sort of love that I think most don't speak of too much anymore. It feels like something beautiful while being something altogether forbidden. The imagery is vivid and you can almost find yourself transported right into the moment. No one line stands out to.me because they all play well off of each other. This is a masterpiece and I'm glad to have read it.

1
throw-away-redittOP•

thank you so much!

1
[deleted]•

[removed]

1