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**Critiques:**

"No blooming blossoms on any tree" might sound better as "No blossoms blooming on any tree," but that's just my preference. Otherwise, it kind of sounds like someone's swearing. The line "A tunnel speckled with thick brick walls" also does not make sense to me. How can brick walls be speckles? I don't care for rhyme and think this poem would benefit from replacing rhyme with imagery. I found the line "sweet caress of a woman's call" strange and even unintentionally dehumanizing. "A \_\_\_\_'s call" usually would have some sort of animal in the blank. I think "sight for sore eyes" is an overused idiom and that space would better be spent on some sort of physical description. I would like there to be a sense of time and place and some sort of sensory details. 

  
**Compliments and Reactions:**

I really liked the line "all is dross all is dead," but think there should be a comma between dross and all--I naturally wanted to pause there. I didn't understand what "the seed

Deprived of all but you  
No air but you  
No love but you  
No thing at all but you  


No sight for sore eyes at all  
No blooming blossoms on any tree  
No sweet caress of a woman's call  
No beauty at all but you  


No rest at night to find  
A beating chest and a mind unkind  
Repay them both for my two eyes  
No peace at all but you  


Tensions, unceasing  
Power illusory and fleeting  
A tunnel speckled with thick brick walls  
No escape at all but you  


But you  
But you  
But you  
I confess nothing at all but you  
There's nothing at all but you  


All is dross all is dead  
The seed has left no thing unsaid  
The river runs straight through  
I'm empty but all of you  


&amp;#x200B;

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uxkhrm/slow\_burn/ia6slr4/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uxkhrm/slow_burn/ia6slr4/?context=3)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uv3rsm/the\_past/ia6tdrg/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uv3rsm/the_past/ia6tdrg/?context=3)

A Birthing Fire