Thank you for the feedback and I'm glad you like it! :) I was having a bit of trouble with some of it because I was thinking of making it come off as obsession based vs not. The ending 2 lines are a reference to Whitney Houston. :) 

I do agree that it does come off a repetitive and it could be read either way without the over emphasis of those lines. Thank you! :) 

**Here's the modified version :)** 

Share my smile  
  
Share my life for awhile  
  
Share my happiness  
  
And I’ll share yours  
  
Bring me all of your time  
  
And I will give you all of mine

I want to see your smile  
  
I want to hear your laugh  
  
I want to look into your eyes  
  
I want to see your hair

I want to make you mine  
  
But you have to assure me that everything is fine  
  
You must assure me that everything is fine  
  
So, please share my life  
  
Take me for what I am  
  
And I will change all of my colors to match yours  
  
If you join me in changing all of yo

I really enjoyed reading this poem.

This is a bit nit-picky but I personally would remove the "We'll share each other's lives/If you give me yours" line. It just feels like a repeat of the second line that comes too soon afterwards, although I think the other instances of mentioning sharing lives are fine.

Also, "I want to feel you everywhere" felt like it's only purpose was to rhyme with hair, and it also felt too abruptly sexual.

Again though, those are just nit-picky suggestions and I really liked your poem. Awesome job!

I've heard of Steven Universe and seen a bit. I'll have to watch it! :)  I've seen most of Gravity Falls so it gave me those vibes and I forgot to make a mental note to watch. Thank you! 

The song from Whitney Houston is "[I have Nothing"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxYw0XPEoKE)

The two characters are Pearl and Rose from Steven Universe, it's a cute show I used to watch as a tween. I've never heard of Whitney Houston, but I'll definitely take a look!

I'm glad it made you feel warmth! If you remember the 2 characters please share! :) 

I've been thinking about Whitney Houston for a bit so the format for inspiration came from her given the ending lines (they are changed but gives reference (allusion)  :)  ).

Wow! This is a very beautiful poem. I especially loved the last two lines. This instantly made me think about two characters I’ve seen before, and it honestly made me smile thinking about it. It’s a very simple poem, but it still brings emotion and warmth.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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Thank you! I did have trouble with the ending. I'll definately include your suggestion. The "join me" does sound a bit repetitive too. 

&#x200B;

Here's the modified version :)  
  
Share my smile  
  
Share my life for awhile  
  
Share my happiness  
  
And I’ll share yours  
  
Bring me all of your time  
  
And I will give you all of mine  
  
I want to see your smile  
  
I want to hear your laugh  
  
I want to look into your eyes  
  
I want to see your hair  
  
I want to make you mine  
  
But you have to assure me that everything is fine  
  
You must assure me that everything is fine  
  
So, please share my life  
  
Take me for what I am  
  
And I will change all of my colors to match yours  
  
If you change your colors to make mine (help added: throw-away-reditt) 

&#x200B;

Thank you! It does flow a lot better this way. :)

great poem! love the tone of desperate love. my only suggestion would be to tweak the last line a bit. it sounds kind of long and messes with the flow. maybe just say “if you change your colors to make mine” and remove the “join me” part. well done, though.

Share my smile

Share my life for awhile 

Share my happiness 

And I’ll share yours

Bring me all of your time 

And I will give you all of mine

We'll share each other's lives 

If you give me yours 

I want to see your smile

I want to hear your laugh

I want to look into your eyes

I want to see your hair 

I want to feel you everywhere 

I want to make you mine

But you have to assure me that everything is fine

You must assure me that everything is fine

So, please share my life

Take me for what I am 

And I will change all of my colors to match yours 

If you join me in changing all of your colors to match mine

&amp;#x200B;

Feedback 

 1. [The Enlightened, Stuttering Nut.](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uzanpx/the_enlightened_stuttering_nut/)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uzanpx/the\_enlightened\_stuttering\_nut/ia9iw3y/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uzanpx/the_enlightened_stuttering_nut/ia9iw3y/?context=3)

2. Deodorant of Distant Light

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uz8stu/deodorant\_of\_distant\_light/ia9knyd/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uz8stu/deodorant_of_distant_light/ia9knyd/?context=3)

Share my Life