Thanks for calling out the confusing part. I have the context in my head and rewrote the lines several times over and I guess that part dropped out. I'll have to rework that in the future. I hope it doesn't detract too much. Thanks for the compliments as well.

Very intriguing imagery with the deep water, and the feeling of drowning. When the subject screams (of what I assume to be a dying breath?) the three lines [“Love…Earth”], who was this message for? Themselves?  Someone else as well? Maybe a like of context would help me feel satisfied with that bit. The last two lines are truly beautiful.

I meant lines 7, 8 and 9 by abstract lines.

Thanks. I'm not sure what you mean by the suggestion. Could you give an example? No worries if you'd rather not, but I learn better by seeing things more concretely and I want to understand what you meant.

This has such a cool summer imagery and I loved how you made the last two lines rhyme. I would suggest you to explore more and make the poem more about imagery than abstract telling. But this is a good one.

Wow, I love how your poem seems to span time (eons) and also space (referencing a past time when you were outside of the water and a present in which you are under it). The use of italics to indicate thoughts passing through your mind is fluid and doesn't disrupt the flow of the poem. I would play around with the words- impenetrable is a common term. However, I thought your line "scream vibrations into dense water" was rather original.

Love the lines in italics! Life truly is a beautiful treasure.

Thanks. I think those messages come from the metaphorical heart, but the screaming and heart here are physical. Despite not having any air, the speaker continues to live.

Love the continuity of the poem, the constant metaphor of water. though, I feel a bit of contradiction. These messages he screams, those kind of messages tend to come from the heart, yet the last line is "yet, my beating heart does not seem to care." Maybe I'm missing something but it got me kind of confused.

I love the description of screaming underwater, extraordinarily visual and touched me deeply—sweet the last two lines. I love the shortness of the text. great, great choice of words!

i love the classical structure, and how you are able to capture the essence of poetry in such few lines.


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look 

I've been swimming forever plus a day

in the deep end of a bottomless pool,

The impenetrable surface remains

just out of my desperately pleading reach.

With each remaining bit of oxygen, 

I scream vibrations into dense water.

*Love is the way to what you desire!*

*Conspire to change our own mind first!*

*Study the treasure living on the Earth!*

It's been eons since I last tasted air,

yet, my beating heart does not seem to care.

...

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uz8mm4/all\_demons\_live\_on\_earth/ia91r1j/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/uz8mm4/all_demons_live_on_earth/ia91r1j/?context=3)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v00r8k/the\_last\_firefly/](https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v00r8k/the_last_firefly/)

Aquatic