Thank your very much for the constructive criticism! 
Will take notes.

I understand the abstract writing style you are shooting for, but punctuation is never your enemy! It frames your work for the reader to easily undersrand where breaths are taken, what words need to be accentuated, etc. I’m unsure in line 1 what verb is meant to be after “to”, I’ve written poetry myself where I wanted that verb to be up to the reader but you can do it in clearer ways like “(insert)” or “verb” in italics, or if you have multiple verbs you couldn’t decide on you can put them in succession like “love/eat/run/hope.” I also highly recommend to split the final line after lovely, then you have a nice 4/4/2 poem and the final lines both end with a “ve” sound, but thats creative input. Also, if you are searching for that coasting in the clouds type read to your work, use enjambment with every line starting with your nouns. Like for example “Far beyond anything of the dream / land, a single drop of / rain, falls on me. / oh, how lifeless I am.” Thank you for the read! I enjoyed!


Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

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hey, this is just a heads-up to reformat this so it has line breaks 

I like the last line though

I try to find a better way to

But this sweater is unraveling 

I try to be left alone 

Then I complain when I hear no one 

.

Far beyond anything of the dream land 

A single drop of rain 

Falls on me  

Oh, how lifeless I am 

.

But it’s a lovely summer evening


https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v0kf6q/the_death_of_the_sun/iaixx3s/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v0qahx/saltwater/iajgeam/?utm_source=share&amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;utm_name=iossmf&amp;context=3

A Note For July