“i am relieved that i’d left my room tidy, they’ll think of me kindly, when they come for my things.”

I wish I could just clean this mess I’ve made of myself.

But how and where would I even start?

I’ve lived like this for as long as I can remember,

but I’m so sick of my own shit!

I pack boxes and I only ever half unpack them,

but I’ll get around to it eventually.

(I think I need your help, but I don’t know how to ask.)

Maybe this time, I’ll pack up my boxes

Drop them off at the thrift store,

Fill garbage bags with my self criticism,

Hire a junk removal team to throw out the insults I’ve thrown at myself

I won’t have a need to air my dirty laundry, Because it will be clean, and drying, just waiting for me to put it away.

That’s what amends are, right?

Keeping your room tidy, and your actions kind.

I think I’d be embarrassed to die with a dirty room.

Is it Thursday again? Already?

Don’t let the truck leave, please,

I’m not finished yet.

I just need a little more time,

Please.

Just a little while longer,

and i promise,

I’ll get my mess cleaned up.

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