The Pawn

Ok… wanted to comment… but gotta wait till I stop crying… 🥹

Fuuucccccck that was SOOOOO good. The fact that u wrote it in YOUR voice /cadence not only humanizes it to this insane degree.. it really feels like an every man type of read.

“Had me tying on a cape… Had me jumping for the stars”…

I mean… cmon dude.

You have this BEAUTIFUL blend of …kinda a homage of classic romanticism & poetry… ALL while coming out the heart & soul of “just some guy” just an everyday person…

It brings these…. Insanely clear visuals… idk like I could envision you rolling down the interstate in a old pickup going back & forth in your own mind from “I thought I had it all figured out” to “how could I think I could save everyone… I don’t even know how to save myself…”

It reads like…. The thoughts that I would imagine most men have… but never feel like they’re able to say..

They aren’t allowed to be ‘vulnerable’… they have to be Superman..even when they’re the ones that need them.

Everyone needs help sometimes… but the society that we live in… it’s not always presented that way for men… Specially in the environment that you seem to hint at in your writings. Ones that hint of maybe… working out in the middle of the country? Couldn’t help but get flashes of my own family TBH.

Idk dude… I didn’t really have any constructive criticism; I personally think you NAILED it & just couldn’t help but comment the feelings it gave.

Writing/ reading poetry should impact the reader just as much as the author…

You did that. The twang that you incorporated in there REALLY made it feel like one friend confiding to another ♥️

Incredible work.

I think this would sound especially good read in a slam style. Love the rhythm

Lots of us feel that way. You got it right. I liked it not being so much about one person focus on self. More like trying to carry others.

Oh… wow

Really interesting poem, I love how much emotion you managed to invoke in every line. It reminds me of how in elementary school I was told I would do big things, etc, but when I reached high school all I found was struggle and disappointment. Impossible to reach for success when success is pure perfection. That’s the vibe I get from this. I really like how it was done

The idea that we’re all just pieces on a massive board… so powerful

After reading this poem, I remembered a line I wrote a long time ago. It was something like,

If only he was not battered and bruised by this knight, He would be flying right now.

I don't know if it makes sense, but that's what i remembered after reading your poem. Very nice poem.

I really enjoyed the flow of this poem, it felt natural to read and I loved the contrast of what's expected and what is reality. I personally often have very black or white thinking so this one speaks to me.

Awesome, you have barred your soul and showed your heart and it is beautiful! And it flows so naturally like you just felt it and wrote it in one thought and one stoke with no thought! I do love it. :)

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I like the ideas that you're expressing here, dealing with imperfections. I don't, however, think that the options in life are pawn or hero, there's a lot who live in between. I also would push back on the idea that a pawn couldn't be a hero, hero's are more about the action than the physical traits. There were a few lines that were a bit jumbled "Signal flare that tells me there / Is where hope will sure arrive" which could be made to read a bit easier. Still, the poem's content was good and I could definitely feel the conflict coming out of it.

I love the rhythm and flow you’ve got going on, and the subject matter is definitely relatable for me. It’s very personal and I could feel your desire to perform well for those in your life. I can only hope this feeling was merely fleeting, I’m sure you’re doing the best you can in life

I really like the idea behind the poem. The way that you use water in the beginning is great; however, it kind of fades out of the picture and I think that you could keep going with it. I'm not sure if you are trying to say that you are not "superman" as in the DC character or that you are not a "superman" as in a man who is super; if it is the first, then the sentence needs to be revised as you say "I am not a superman" implying that there are multiple supermen.