Source
r/OCPoetry•
ripe_syrip

(Poem about life after death) Untitled

Poem

Do not wear black when my time has come,

Do not let tears fall to their death with me, Instead;

Wear bright colours so I can see you above, Or find you below.

Play songs to which we would have danced together,

Let my service be nothing more than celebration

For a life I wish to believe I've lived.

Only unleash tears as one sorrow song lowers me down

And Reconnects me with nature,

Release all final melancholy:

For I want you to not grieve for me again.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v6xwl0/wind/ibicb39?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/v717ew/pathetic/ibiebgk?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

Posted Jun 7, 2022, 5:36 PM UTC

7032
Finness3d•

I really like the message of the poem. It conveys a wonderful acceptance and understanding of death. It is sad but don’t get caught in the grief. I particularly like the third line.

7
ripe_syripOP•

Thank you! It makes me very happy that you feel the way I intended to make the reader feel. :)

5
[deleted]•

[deleted]

7
ripe_syripOP•

Thank you so much!!!

2
cactus___boi•

This is an extremely fresh take on death and the mourning surrounding it. Wearing bright colors to the funeral/don't let tears fall to their death with me, just wow!

7
ripe_syripOP•

Thank you so much! It was inspired to me from a recent funeral I attended. The funeral was beautiful but it made me think and I decided I wouldn't want mine to be so formal and sad because it doesn't reflect on who I would have been. Again, thank you! :)

5
Idolikememes•

Incredible look at death in its entirety. I've always preferred to see funerals as a celebration of life rather than mourning, and this poem hits that ideology on the head for me. Well done!

5
AnAccountforBadPoems•

I love the way this looks at death. More of a celebration of life that is often present in other cultures and I like the message specifically of “wear bright colors so I can see you above” as it just paints a beautiful picture of the possible afterlife.

4
[deleted]•

Love it, i can relate to this and want to make more like this

4
Brawnhilde•

Very Dido's Lament. I hope you write a lot more.

4
batbunny1010•

Very beautiful, sheds a pleasant light on something so many people are afraid of

4
Feck_Quickfoot•

Hey OP,

I really love the theme of changing the dour and sad relationship we have with death and I think you did a great job in this poem! I really love the image of the speaker looking down on a bright congregation of people at their funeral.

In terms of improving this piece there are a few lines that read as a bit too abstract and general. Like “and reconnects me with nature” is there a way an image could do this more effectively? I would also love to see more of what your funeral specifically would look like. Some of the lines read as generally happy, but what would celebrate your life? Poetry is often more impactful of it talks about general things in the very personal. Overall great poem, really love the topic and you have a few evocative images I would love to see expanded on. Keep writing!

4
rhubarbchard•

This poem has me wanting more elaboration as well. I appreciate the effective succintness of OP's words and also wish for more imagery. I could easily read an entire collection of poems about this original (to Westen culture) take on the perspective of the dead. A writer's viewpont on souls walking with the living with out the fearful attitude we often associate with those passed on... a loving bridge across space time and time space. I look forward to any more poetry these concepts give life to.

2
HyerMind•

This is the beauty of joy made from you! And the ugliness of loss and negation and the necessary absence of forgetting.

I love this sadly.

Thank you.

If I were to critique as a co-experiencer:

I wanted 'celebration' to be 'celebrated'; and I'd have liked to have seen, "I've lived," be, "I'd lived."

(I'm sure there's a mistake in there somewhere.)...so ugly...

3
Why-y-y-y•

Hey OP I totally agree with this commenter right here ^

3
SlyTrum•

I like this! it actually reminds me of my grandfather when talking about the celebration part. That is something he has always said to me.

3
sohomegod•

I really liked the way you touched on the subject of death in your piece.

Wear bright colours so I can see you above, Or find you below.

This line is so brilliant. I interpret it as you're not certain if you'll go to heaven or hell?

I could be wrong, but that is how I read it. Really nice. Thanks for sharing.

3
MyAussie•

I love that what originally would be a sad topic is written here in a kind of appreciative manner. Almost like treating funerals as a celebration. Great work!

2
Hierverse•

Wonderful poem.

2
Lilbit6988•

Very pretty....

2
Accomplished_Wave229•

this came from somewhere deeper than putting words on paper, you thought about this one didnt you....does it bother you? does it hurt you? grieving for you again wow...Not a sentence out of place as well, when I read poetry I read it out loud for meter and rhythm and it flows nicely

2
rhubarbchard•

I truly love this poem so much. I want to share it with family at my grandfather's memorial next month. All of the requests from the one who has passed on in your words are sentiments my grandfather shared. This is inspiring me to have a poetry reading with my mother and sisters (who are all poets and songwriters and grew up sharing our work with eachother).

I imagine someone looking down at their funeral as a celebration of life. How wonderful it would be to see colors, music and dancing creating a joyful memory. Grieving is often personal and celebration may be more easily shared. Happy tears, smiles, and jokes would be a special thing to witness while honoring the life of a loved one.

2
ripe_syripOP•

Please do share it with them! Thank you so much for your feedback!

2
Fireh20Tae•

Great work

2
ZanphyKing•

This reseated with how I feel and while the poem is literarily lacking, I believe it is still beautiful in its expression and intention.

2
flumppppp•

One of my favourite poems has always been 'do not stand at my grave and weep' and so I love the sentiment of this one. Especially the lines "Play songs to which we would have danced together" and "For a life I wish to believe I've lived." because they have a sweet melancholy about them

2