[3224] A New World Of Magical Possibilities

After my last post I edited it and waited 48hrs to do another and get new critique, I originally wanted to show the next chapter but I want to see if I did too much internal dialogue and see how the show vs tell is this time.

A quick description of what this is about: Alice ends up in another world somehow, she does whatever it takes to survive and get smarter and more powerful including experimenting on herself.

Link to story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wAxkau7xc6gs9arFD8XmggYK5jXeVCb0/edit?usp=sharing&ouid=112022019882857436154&rtpof=true&sd=true

I'm looking for any advice/critique but mostly want to know about the internal dialogue and show vs tell

Critique: https://old.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/v7hi0n/3283_anima_secret_in_the_sealed_savannah_chapter_1/

If I need to do another because the critique wasn't good enough let me know and I will. Incase you didn't notice it was a two part critique the other part was in the comments of it.