Thank you so much for taking the time to read and provide critique! I appreciate it

**Setting and staging**

A typical urban fantasy setting with typical ghosts, which would be fair enough if the story did something interesting with them. So far it hasn't IMO. I already covered the details of this above. I assume most of the other standbys are present and correct too, like stock vampires, stock werewolves and the whole kitchen sink. I'd be pleasantly surprised if it's more tightly focused on ghosts, though.

We also know magical powers exist, and that they're mostly confined to a small south European country, for some reason. On the other hand, ghosts apparently exist all over the world, and there's enough magical people in C's hometown in the US to support a magic tutor for kids. Unless she's a friend of his dad's who came with them or something?  There's a standard masquerade in effect, which is fair, since it lets the story keep most of mundane society intact, so I don't mind that one.

We don't get to see any magical powers here, but banishing ghosts is mentioned.

**Overall thoughts**

The technical execution here is pretty decent, but the story also feels like a very typical MG fantasy setup using your everyday bogstandard urban fantasy ghosts right off the shelf. There's also a very clear Harry Potter influence. Maybe that's not such a big deal to the target audience, who haven't seen all this stuff a million times before, but as an adult reader it felt stale. I'd like this story a lot more if it had some flashes of personality and distinctiveness on either the fantasy side of things or the MG drama side to go with the competent writing. Ideally both, but anything to make it less generic would go a long way.

**Prose**

The writing fundamentals seem solid. Everything flows well, descriptions are clear, and you (thankfully) avoid the obvious pitfalls like obnoxious dialogue tags or the MC waking up. I could nitpick stuff like "interact" maybe being too advanced for MG readers, or a few examples of incorrect dialogue formatting, but on the macro

thank you so much for your critique, I appreciate it!

Overall impression:  
I enjoyed this a lot. Great pacing, solid hook at the beginning, and fun characters. Their motivations of the all of the characters, the main character in particular, are familiar as you use the “awkward school kid” trope deftly here.  


Characters:  
\-	**Christopher:** is his ghost watching partly a metaphor for puberty? He is “changing”? he is clearly an introvert, and enjoys art. He has not come to terms with his ghost viewing, but we get the sense he has strong support systems through his father, and the magical community which is hinted at (Helena) 

  
\-	**Lucy**: A grounding character. “best friend” trope. We get the impression she is down to earth, somewhat bossy, and loyal to Christopher. A good strong character who will likely become a confidant of Christopher in future chapters (amarite)?

  
\-	**Emma Pruitt/classmates**: Through Emma we are introduced to the concept that Christopher is bullied or outcasted at school. Emma is a character throug

>am I going crazy or do trees only really bend how you describe if there's very heavy snow? I've lived in the northeast for over 20 years and I feel like I've never observed tree limbs drooping from cold and/or rain alone.

I think it depends on the tree. I live in the northeastern U.S. as well. Younger Elm and birch don't handle snow super great, but their branches are also usually too thin to hold a *ton* of snow. Usually around here it's a combination of snow and ice.

Rain though? Never seen just rain do anything to a tree limb unless the tree was already half-dead.

Yea that's what I was wondering with the clever comment. The absence of a sort of initial calibrating observation to more clearly establish that it's a perspective understanding rather than an objective observation of reality sort of threw me off.

I don't think it's literal. Maybe they're something akin to weeping willows and the rain gives it the appearance that it's being weighed down by the gloomy rain

Hey, just scrolled by and read the image, don't have time to actually get into it, but...

I'd recommend deleting "personal" in the first paragraph. It's implied and the sentence is (IMO) rhythmically better without it. 

And the real reason for my comment: am I going crazy or do trees only really bend how you describe if there's very heavy snow? I've lived in the northeast for over 20 years and I feel like I've never observed tree limbs drooping from cold and/or rain alone. I can't tell if I'm losing my mind or if you're doing something clever there and I'm just not catching it.

You have decent world building going on here but the main issue, for me,  is the pace. You're a little anxious on getting details out there when things can wait here and there. This is your first chapter. Save some information for the rest of the book. 

Another thing I'd work on is the beginning. While I personally love plopping the reader right in the middle of the core hook, I feel like your story could benefit from starting just a tad bit earlier. Maybe set your character up to be completely average. Waking up and getting ready for school. Really linger on it too. Don't be afraid to get into the minute and mundane with this morning routine. You have the writing proficiency to keep someone interested without leaning on the supernatural. Add small stuff here and there through his routine to get us to understand what kind of person he is. 
Fx: Christopher grabbed the toothpaste with his left hand and his brush with the right. A short pause before he swapped the two to the opposite han

Alright, this is my first time doing this, but I'm fully ready to have my soul wrecked lmao. This is chapter one of my middle grade fantasy. All feedback goes. Pacing and plot, character, whatever comes to mind. Let me know the good, the bad, the ugly, and the horrible. 

[https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FlkrTX66U3M6Jl4uTH4VCOWxHfJ1FOtCBqkGn9amUvY/edit?usp=sharing](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FlkrTX66U3M6Jl4uTH4VCOWxHfJ1FOtCBqkGn9amUvY/edit?usp=sharing)

&amp;#x200B;

Happy destroying!  


Critiques I've done: [https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/va1how/2997\_forged\_for\_violence\_chapter\_2/ic0mlxj/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/va1how/2997_forged_for_violence_chapter_2/ic0mlxj/?context=3)

[https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/v82xv0/3224\_a\_new\_world\_of\_magical\_possibilities/ic1qpsm/?context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/v82xv0/3224_a_new_world_of_magical_possibilities/ic1qpsm/?context=3)

[2265] The Rainy Day Ghost