Source
r/OCPoetry•
Blazingmama

The Bipolar Lover

Poem

Too much,

Not enough,

Treading eggshells for love.

I'm a wine glass poured too full,

Sloshing onto your lap.

Wishing I could find the tool,

To turn off my heart's tap.

I'm a singular rose,

When you expected a bouquet.

Wishing I had roots for toes,

I'd grow more just to kill your dismay.

Depending on my mind's war,

I can be all you needed and more.

Until I'm a burden,

stricken by the fall...

Either way doll,

I'd walk my feet bloody and sore,

Just for love, above all.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vawasa/pleasure_and_pain/ic62ou6?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/vb2xne/lonely_and_afraid/ic61h4e?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3

♥️I have a poetry dedicated Instagram https://www.instagram.com/essenceofme1042/

Posted Jun 13, 2022, 4:39 AM UTC · edited

1317
majolie_•

The objects used here are very symbolic. Wine which is oh so romantic and yet unforgiving to relieve memories. Eggshells show the fragility of the character and her willingness to do it all for the sake of doing it all. It’s almost a fight with herself about how to love without losing yourself. Being all you can be (a singular rose) but failing the expectation of a bouquet, yet we still fight for our place in your heart and satisfaction. Lovely !

3
BlazingmamaOP•

Yess, my exact thoughts ! I wrote this describing my own love life. Thank you for your comment♥️

2
atinylotus•

I really enjoyed the messaging in this poem. It sounds like this poem is about struggling with bipolar disorder and knowing that you may have your faults/struggles with that but at the end of the day, you still have so much love to give despite your struggle. I also enjoyed the imagery of wine sloshing into someone's lap and getting a single rose when expecting a bouquet. Well done!

3
BlazingmamaOP•

Exactly right. I have type 1 bipolar disorder which makes any type of relationship, especially romantic, incredibly difficult. Thank you! I love using imagery in my writing. ♥️

3
ChampionshipMost7618•

I feel as though the narrator feels that their love is often not enough or too much or at the very least misinterpreted by their lover. Feelings of inadequacy or just not fitting. It’s so easy to relate to and my minds brought me to a past lover once I got to the hearts tap. It feels like you can be pouring everything out for someone, and yet it’s never enough. I empathize and am sorry you have had to feel this pain, of a bipolar lover as the title states. It is like living in a constant state of unknowing and of chaos. Wondering if the next thing you do will be enough to quench their undrinkable thirst.

“Just for Love”

Isn’t that just the way? The suffering we put ourselves through all just to be loved. It is human nature through and through. Just lovely this piece is. Beautiful and thought provoking and totally swept me up in someone I use to be and someone I use to love.

3
BlazingmamaOP•

You're exactly right. I have type 1 bipolar disorder and I wrote this to reflect the issues I've had. Maintaining relationships as someone who's bipolar can be incredibly hard. I'm sorry that you know the pain of not being enough yet trying so hard to be.

For a lot of people, I believe that is their nature. I believe others seek to make others suffer and call it "love." I've craved love my whole life. But when you crave love, you tend to jump at any slight affection and it's stuck me with abusive people time and time again.

I'm really glad you enjoyed my poem and consider it thought provoking. ♥️

3
ChampionshipMost7618•

I understand. I am sorry you’ve been led to feel inadequate in your love and not having it reciprocated. One day you will be loved the way you deserve, loving without conditions is something that feels so natural and so right.

You are right about some who cause others to suffer in the name of love. It pegs the question, who taught them what it is to be loved? Why is their perception of giving and receiving love so? There was once a time in my life when I changed every part of myself to fit into something that was not properly fitting. The person who I loved let me do it. They watched me warp and change every day just to be exactly who they wanted. When it wasn’t enough I was left thinking, “what if I…?” Or “maybe if I had done this differently…”. That is not love. Sometimes though we have to experience what we are not to know what we are.

In your experience of relationships of love, or lack thereof, you know what you are not. This is a unavoidable part of our human existence and track in receiving what we truly want and desire and deserve. Love is everything, it is the creation of all. When we remember this, it makes it easier to see through facades of love in those that wish to make us suffer for their greedy souls.

All the love, I wish you a beautiful journey forward.

2
BlazingmamaOP•

Thank you. I can only hope for that to be true but currently I'm just stuck. For some I feel it was taught through abuse, others are just plain hurtful because it's their nature. Damn, I'm really sorry you went through that. My exeperience was the same. Manipulation and abuse has left me with a lot of self doubt.

That is true. I wish there was more genuine love in the world. It could really use it. Thank you very much, I wish you a beautiful and blessed journey as well♥️♥️

3
Material_Zombie_1048•

I really enjoyed your poem. I love it! Keep writing!

2
BlazingmamaOP•

Thank you!

2
AutoModeratorMOD•

Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).

If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.

If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our feedback guide, or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1
insomniacla•

Critiques:
Get rid of the first few lines (from the first line down to the "treading on eggshells" line)--they're cliché and only reduce the power of what comes after them. Starting off the poem with the line on the wine glass would make the poem pack a greater punch, in my opinion. I don't think you need the rhyme and I think it's limiting you. The line "I'd grow more just to kill your dismay" was kind of awkward. The lines that followed that were also awkward and the rhyme felt forced.

Compliments and Reactions:
Your have some interesting ideas and effective metaphors here. I think the next step to make this poem stronger would be to get rid of the rhyme (though that's just my personal preference) and add some imagery. I found the spilled wine metaphor intriguing, so that might be a good one to focus on. Maybe build the imagery around that. How is the narrator like a spilled glass of wine? Looking forward to seeing what you come up with after this.

1
Material_Zombie_1048•

If you are older, if you are but who you are and a fleeting feeling or thought comes into your mind, swims through your being, your soul, what harm is a cliche? Was not the cliche apart of the original Feeling & thought. If you start rewriting & changing it pretty soon you might have a whole different poem and you lose that original feeling that surfaced on its own, so bravely, or worse yet have two poems. Well, my poems are so full of cliche that I would have to re-write them all. Edit them all and see which I can live with. This is something I have long thought about.

2
insomniacla•

Ma'am this is a Wendy's. And by Wendy's I mean a sub for poetry critiques. I critiqued the poem because that's what this place is for.

2
Material_Zombie_1048•

Yes, I know and I meant you no disrespect. I guess I was just thinking out loud and I guess poetry will always be subjective, beauty being in the eye of the beholder comes to my old cliched mind. And of course, even poetry will be deemed cliched by its own generations I suppose. Please forgive me for this need I'm having to express my thoughts. This never happens, I never express myself, except perhaps through my poetry. I will keep my wondering thoughts to myself from now on. :( :) And again if I have offended that was not my intention.Perhaps I am sorry, regretful my poems are so full of cliched and I am critiquing myself. :)

2
insomniacla•

No, I was being flippant! I'm not offended at all. Please don't stop expressing your thoughts. Everyone starts out writing poems riddled with cliché and forced rhymes. You've got to start somewhere. My poetry is no better than what you or OP write, I can assure you. I'm just trying to give some constructive criticism of the poem. Sometimes I can be too mean.

As for your poems being full of cliché, hey, if that's the case then at least you're aware of it, right? If you're conscious of that fact, then you can work on improving it. Observe the world. Invent your own ways of expressing the sentiments behind the clichés. Use sensory details and be specific. You are capable of more than cliché.

2