[2083] Mystery Thriller Ch 1 - Part one

So this is the first half of the first chapter I've been working on. The whole chapter itself is around 4k words which is a lot longer than what I normally do for an opening chapter, so I split it up here so it's easier to critique as well as to get feedback on the first vs second half.

​

My main questions are these:

1. Does the narrator (Addie) feel/sound like a 13 year old girl? Is the voice solid?
2. Is the prose too descriptive/long in places?
3. Does the beginning hook you in?
4. How do you feel about Michael and his relationship with Addie by the end?
5. Would you keep reading or would you have already dropped this piece already?
6. Also, what's the overall tone you get from this piece? foreboding, dark, etc?

Link to unedited version https://docs.google.com/document/d/1FTjfu90LVkPO9DASApF8QyEspY3yqQIHsE18d1BN6xM/edit?usp=sharing

Original:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jeP09yRi_DufY_0u0S_F7_NGF4PcB5n29c89eNls2lk/edit?usp=sharing

​

Critiques

[2422]

[2410]

​

Thank you so much! :D