Thank you for the feedback! It's funny you mention it being more horror than grimdark. I called it horror fantasy in the past, but some readers said the opening Chapter didn't feel much like horror. I'm happy the horror popped on this revision, but sounds like it was at the expense of the fantasy part. Although, I'd say it may be more accurate to say this is a horror story that just so happens to take place in a fantasy world.

James as unlikeable was intentional, although I was hoping it would be clear that Mion was the driving force behind that. I'll definitely make that clearer. Lots to work with here, thank you again!

Hey there! This was an interesting read and I’ll try to write out my thoughts below!  
  
OVERALL  
  
This piece definitely felt like horror to me, very silent hill-esque and maybe even sort of like Saw in terms of grime. The constant use of addicts as sort of background noise definitely came off as very grime-horror in that way.   
  
I do have to say other than the more fantasy drugs like Parisen and Mion, this didn’t feel very fantasy like to me. I guess when I think of fantasy, especially grimdark fantasy, I think of medieval era up to renaissance.   
  
The way this setting/characters were described gave me a very late 19th/early 20th century vibe. I would have liked to be introduced to the setting and characters a little more so I can get a better understanding of this world, but I suppose the addiction (and the addicts being called addicts) is interesting.   
  
PLOT  
  
So from what I can tell from this first chapter is that our main character James is a doctor th

Thank you for the feedback and the, 'From Hell,' book recommendation. I've been dancing around the idea of writing this in first person, especially with mental illness and addiction playing central roles for the main characters. I just feel that requires a certain level of precision and skill that I haven't developed yet. Still, I think I'll give first person a shot for this Chapter and see what others think!

Overall:
I enjoyed the dark tone and think the concepts you are playing with are quite worth exploring, particularly addiction to magical drugs (though I think calling it something other than addiction would make it feel less anachronistic). I think your description is rich, so much so I kind of desire for it to be dialed back a little in a 'less is more' kind of way. I know genre fiction tends to be overly descriptive, so what you're doing does perfectly fit in with the trends, but I'm coming from a traditional Lit background, so I favor precision. That may be a bias, but I think it makes for stronger prose.

Dialogue:
It's decent. Still too early to tell much about these characters though, who they really are. I would need to see more to make any clear judgements here.

Concept: Very original and compelling stuff. 

Sentence and Paragraph Structure:
Here you could use a little more precision. Personally, I would use more semicolons, dashes, and colons; and a few less periods. You hav

That makes sense. I really appreciate the suggestion, thank you!

I think if you remove the last paragraph, the ending is a good bit stronger. It gives you some more space to flesh out some of the interactions between Laurence and James, and it avoids the tonal whiplash of suddenly bringing up Laurence's mother and the idea of murder. The other option is to drop those clues in throughout the chapter. Maybe have James think Laurence is Laurence's mother for a second or something to that effect.

You'd still be around 2200 words, so the length is fine.

Keep in mind, you can always go back and add in foreshadowing/clues as the story develops. The chapters don't have to exist in a vacuum.

Thank you for the feedback! 28 Days/Weeks Later are wonderful movies, so I really appreciate that comparison. The opening scene of 28 weeks later is one of my all time favorite scenes in horror cinema. I agree with your point about the ending. I have a habit of ending Chapters on cliffhangers because I'm worried the rest of the content isn't enough to keep the reader going, especially in early Chapters. Do you think ending on the note of Laurence insisting the Mion's behavior changed would be enough?

**General Remarks**

This feels to me like a mix of *Contagion*, *28 Weeks Later*, and the Doctor Who episode *Face the Raven*. I don't mean this in a bad way; those are strong things to call back to.

The amount of information you give is just right. You gave hints of the world at large - Sawnmill, Prince Moore, Mion - without overdoing it. I don't think you need to give much more than you have at this point in the story.


The tension builds well, overall. James as one of the addicts was not what I expected but the hints are definitely there from the beginning that something is awry.

I'm not sure the ending is quite up to par with the rest of it, though. There's a bit too much telling us what James intends versus showing us.  My biggest gripe is with the "And he would. Tonight." It's not clear to me whether the *he* in that sentence is Laurence or James.

**Title, Hook, and Mechanics**

Something unclear to me is whether "Let the Shattered Rot" is the title of this chapter alone or 

Thank you for the feedback! I agree the fantasy elements have taken a back seat, which isn't ideal as there is a lot of fantasy in this novel (traditional medieval setting, magical abilities, fantasy creatures, etc), although I would say horror is the dominant genre. Almost like a horror story that just so happens to take place in a fantasy world. I'll have to brainstorm some ways of bringing the fantasy out in this Chapter. Thank you for the recommendation of using the drugs as one method of doing so!

Hi there,

General Thoughts:

I liked it. It definitely gave me horror vibes, but maybe was a little tame of the fantasy elements. Maybe the description of Mion could've been more fantastical or whimsical, but right not it is more in-line with historical fiction. It feels more grounded in reality with a few fantasy elements than set in a fantasy world. I don't know if that's your overall goal, but just the impression I got. Overall, I think your writing is fantastic, and really worked. However, personally I found the content a little hard to follow because there were so many unknowns. I know you shouldn't explain everthing at once, but even clarifying that Parisen is a curing parasite earlier on would've helped me so much.

Plot:

As mentioned, I'm a bit confused. From what I can gather, James is a doctor in a facility. It starts with him in a room of addicts, each convulsing from what I can guess is drug withdrawel, and that Parisen  (a parasite??) is used to treat it. James is addict

Hi everyone, 

I've been working on this opening Chapter for quite some time, and recently went ahead and killed my darlings and made some heavy structural changes to it. I would greatly appreciate feedback on what did and didn't work, as I'm not sure how I feel about it after making these changes.

For context, this novel is a mix between psychological horror (Silent Hill, SOMA) in a dark fantasy setting. Thank you in advance!

Link: [Let The Shattered Rot](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jip7D_SjPXw-nkCc_DSafkrPxCCjgi_8XXM6nDVOxLk/edit)

Critiques

[\[2385\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/v4ab9h/2385_the_croquet_game/ibbuw3u/?context=3)

[\[189\]](https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/comments/ur965w/189_murwi/ibc1swe/?context=3)

[2410] Let The Shattered Rot