Source
r/MyLittleSupportGroup•
Scarabus

Encouragement needed

I need help.

I don't really know where to start. Short version is I have been struggling with serious depression and anxieties (mostly social) for a long time. I've been in therapy on and off, spent some time in a mental hospital (less dramatic than it sounds).

I've never been suicidal though or turned to any kind of active self-destructive behaviour. So that's good.

Medication and various coping strategies work pretty well at keeping me from getting seriously depressed these days. But I'm miserable. Not clinically depressed, just ordinarily miserable and lonely and kind of tired.

For a while, a pretty long while actually, that seemed good enough, and I've been coasting, treading water, procrastinating. But that's no way to live, so I am making another attempt to take control of my life.

Only I've tried and failed so often it's hard keep up hope. And there are so many problems, so many ways in which I basically have to rebuild my life (or maybe better build a new life), and I'm not all that young and I worry that it's too late anyhow. And I worry that I'll try and fail and be worse off than before.

I think that by now I know the root of my problems, so I'm going to try to address that. Basically, my self-esteem is lousy. Really, really lousy. It's kind of a big thing for me to even think of that as something that's maybe not completely in accordance with reality.

I'm going with self-help first, but if that doesn't work out I'll consider going into therapy again (though I really do think I got all I can get from that by now).

So I'm reasonably determined to go with that.

But shit, I'm scared, and I'm 98% certain I am going to screw up again and that I'll just make everything worse and I find it difficult to even imagine being able to achieve anything.

At the moment my motivation is that maybe I'll feel slightly better for having at least tried. I don't know how long that'll hold me.

So I could really use some encouragement. Any help or idea about dealing with low self-esteem would be welcome too.

TLDR: What, seriously? Here? That's kind of cold. Fine. Depression, anxiety, failure to thrive. Working on low self-esteem. Could use advice, encouragement.

Posted Jun 22, 2012, 6:53 PM UTC

79
pyrobug0•

I don't believe that you're ever too old to change your life. I believe that if you want to change things, even if you're on your deathbed, it has meaning. And I think it's worth trying to achieve no matter how many times you think you've failed before. It is scary. It forces you to face everything you don't like about yourself, and to accept those things. You have to accept your mistakes not as failures to regret, but simply as steps in your life. And you have to be prepared to face any further mistakes the same way. And that's hard to do, but it's always worth doing. As long as you continue to seek change, to seek improvement, your ability to improve will never fail you. Success will always be attainable. No matter how long or difficult the road is, it's always one you'll be able to walk, as long as you choose to. That you've resolved to try is proof enough that you can succeed.

Be kind to yourself, and realize that you are no weaker or less valuable for your flaws or your mistakes. Be realistic about your expectations for yourself. Keep track of your successes, write them down and remember them. But throw away your failings. They don't matter. Whatever life has thrown at you, you've made it this far, and that's no small feat. That same strength will move you forward, so believe in it. You're worth having faith in.

3
HundredxNails•

I am going to repost what I wrote the otherday for you.

You are emotional, some times irrational, akward to look at, a little over weight, have silly interests, not symetrical, maybe too skinny, hide too much of yourself, promiscuous, balding, hairy, an attention whore, stupid, a basement dweller, hipster douche, whatever... But you are the only you in the world. Some people out there, may see these as flaws, but I see them as part of who you are, part of what make you unique. Your flaws do not make you worth less as a person, how you deal with them help define who you are as a person. In my opinion, that makes them more valuable than your merits.

I hope this helps you, if you need to talk feel free to message me.

2
thefluttershytree•

I am so proud of you. You are amazing and so very courageous. It takes a lot of courage to talk about something like this, and you know what? You did it! So be proud of yourself for taking control. This is huge.

You're so strong. You have to be strong to get through something like this. You may not feel strong, but you've made it this far and that in itself says a lot about you. Be proud of yourself. You're a wonderful person, and you're going to make it through. Just keep holding on.

It's never too late to turn your life around. Just by deciding to, you're already halfway there. You've already won the greatest battle, so please don't give up now.

2
selenic_smile•

Dealing with depression is hard, but it's better than sitting back and suffering from it. However old you get, and however often you fail, it'll still be worth trying. You know that, even if you don't feel it.

But it is hard, so take some pride in having the strength to even try. And be kind to yourself if you fail.

You say you want to work on your self esteem, but what exactly do you mean? Do you have a plan, or are you asking us to help you make one?

2
ScarabusOP•

I have a plan. Or at least some ideas. I'd be interested in any suggestions though. I have always meant to work on it, but, well, I always thought I should fix some of my many, many other terrible flaws first.

You can probably spot the flaw in that reasoning. It took me a while. It helps that I don't really think like that anymore, most of the time. Unfortunately the part of my brain that is responsible for feelings and such is not quite up to date apparently.

1
selenic_smile•

I've found "self esteem" too abstract to really work on in isolation. Learning to like and be kind to myself has been far more effective than trying to convince myself I'm wonderful. And dealing with negative thoughts by letting them happen and letting them go rather than struggling not to have them at all.

1
ScarabusOP•

Thank you everyone. Just posting here helped, and the replies helped more. I've actually started taking first tentative steps. More symbolic gestures than anything really, but it's a start.

Since just getting this stuff off my chest seems to do me good I'll probably ramble on some more some day soon, if that is okay.

1
ScratchFi•

This was the one thing that turned my life around in high school (and my life up until that point):

  • Make a few choice close friends.

  • Hang out with them as much as possible.

  • Open up to them as much as possible.

That didn't magically fix all my problems, but it made them all seem completely bearable. I was depressed a lot of my young life. In college I realized that I needed to and could reinforce a different emotional state. It is important to realize that almost everything you do is a habit. Certainly some things you are predisposed to do, but do you really want to give up the possibility that you can change anything? The half-truth is a worthwhile delusion.

1
heVOICESad•

Here's a little sentiment that has always helped my self-esteem:

You are the final product of billions of years of evolution. Every person in your direct ancestry, every member of every species that came before them for all of time existed for the sole purpose of creating you.

These may be relevant

1