How to work through this from an IFS perspective - Things i have done I am not proud of as a result of surviving my trauma - how do others manage when you have also done wrong

TL:DR - i have done some things i regret as a survival mechanism, i will cause pain to myself and others if i admit to it, they dont know and are already in hell (not because of my actions). I am struck by this never ending cycle and suffering, and this deep desire to move on but i also feel guilty (as i should), and wants others views and experiences of managing this from an IFS perspective (i am slowly learning)

Long form:

So basically i am now deep in healing, but for most of my life i was deep in trauma response, i had really no sense of me and what i was doing, so much was autopilot and disassociated actions - to survive and hide from my pain (i know to many this sounds like an excuse but that is how i lived in a blank state for many years)

As i peel back the layers, i am facing upto the fact that i have done some things that would hurt others if they found out e.g. some relate to my brothers who are also still deep in surviving hell (not because of my actions) / they have been suicidal also

Now, some of the things i did i think they dont know about or is not in their conscious, and i think i will hurt them if i share.

So for now, i am not saying anything and i might never, but i also came to realise - when is there an end to this cycle, and then also, when can i forgive myself, both whats done to me and the things done to survive.

I am feeling heavy guilt and shame, as i should, and it is mine to bear and if i share, its purely me being selfish to unburden myself.

I feel pleased i feel this way, as it makes me also feel i have grown as a person vs who i was, but also i have removed some disassociation layers, but i also am not my father, or other family members who dont take accountability.

That all said, i have apologised for other things, but these feel like they will cause so much pain all round, for me, and them, and it was a long time ago now.

So, how do others relate and manage their parts through this?

thank you