a letter to myself, who I owe the world
what once were piercing screams are now barely audible whispers
the dread that I once felt upon awaking now disappears in seconds
a relic of a brain once crumbling
as I build up my neural connections I find myself unsure what to think about it’s not that I’ve forgotten, it’s that i never learned how to fill my days with with anything besides lists of ways to die
life has become a leisurely stroll and I’m still learning to notice the flowers I pass
the sky is so blue it’s almost blinding
has the grass always been this green?
I surrender to this beauty I reside in
I will allow myself to feel, see, taste, smell, hear
I will allow myself to embody the positive affirmations I give so freely to my peers
I will propose a new definition of what it means to exist in my own body
I am trying to let go of what has become my default
hope is no longer enough
I am seeking contentment with an urgent insistence
I am trusting the new chemical levels in my brain to work with me when all I have known is them working against me
and this is brave of me
letting go of everything I know about myself is more painful
requires more strength
than grasping on to the comfort I have long found in darkness
but what kind of life am I building myself if I’m not consciously trying to live
the fresh rain
the hot cups of coffee
the smile at a neighbor in passing
the birds singing
this greener pasture that I have become familiar with
these small joys deserve attention
deserve admiration
deserve praise
and though I am still acquiring the skills to nourish my buds into a full bloom
I am familiarizing myself with tenderness
I am fostering the knowledge that because I am human I deserve love
I would love feedback! I’m out of classes so it’s hard to hear what people have to say about my poetry.
Posted Jun 23, 2022, 2:53 PM UTC